Re: I disagree with soulfulsurvivor's post

You're welcome to disagree, but I stand by the fact that this couple were not bound by a legal contract of marriage. Speedy, I'm not (in any way) intending to hurt or criticize here, but I wanted to gently point out that you are comparing this man's experiences with his girlfriend (NOT his wife) to your own and the two cannot be remotely compared.

This couple had already agreed to go their separate ways so there was no violation of any committment. What either of them did during the time that they were separated is none of the other's business with the ONLY exception being physical safety - HIV/AIDS, other sexually transmitted diseases. To ask about details is to ask for emotional (and, perhaps, physical) discomfort.

Was it a good decision for the woman to lie? Of course not. Was there a good excuse for her to lie? There's never a good excuse to lie. Was there an underlying reason for her lying? Yes, there was. If there was a reason, doesn't that mean that it was an excuse? No - reason isn't the same as excuse. Reason is a condition that cannot be altered - a fact - his anger - his reaction. An excuse is something that is invented to allow for a choice (good, bad, or benign).

To know that speaking truth and fact will be met with serious conflict is one of the first symptoms that a relationship is in dire trouble. Yes, some truths are going to upset us, of course! Yes, we're going to experience different reactions to different information. But, we human beings tend to grasp onto the negative much quicker than we would be willing to accept things and move on. We wish to have control over many things when, in truth, the only thing that we have control over is our Selves. This rankles with most people and that's how abusive relationships develop - truth = conflict, lies = tension, conflict = verbal abuse, etc....

Best wishes.



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