day 3- huge setback...

my emotions are all out of whack. forgive me if i ramble and vent... today is day 3 of my first fast, and up til now, my fiancee has been doing it with me also. we both figured it would be hard but maybe a little easier together. day 1 wasn't very bad just a slight headache and a little nauseaa for me before bed. yesterday day 2 was worse. sean had a hangover feeling most of the morning and was starving most of the afternoon and evening. i wasn't taking it so bad but everytime he or i felt hungry we drank our lemonade, and he had a small bowl of miso to further help. well today was great in the morning. we both felt drained but really good and were rather disturbed to find bms still had a little mass even after 2 days of not eating. i wonder where its all coming from. we've just been hanging out watching movies and running to the bathroom occasionally. well about an hour age now he went to walgreens to pick up his meds and thought a beer on the way home was somehow a good idea... as soo as he walked in the door i could smell it and asked and he said no. well i dropped it and then a few minutes later he tells me that he cannot tell a lie and fesses up. i started crying and of course ot all emotional and asked him why he wanted to do this with me in the first place if he was just going to quit. i suggested he start over r at least continua nd try not to screw up again and now hes on his way to mcdonalds for a burger and to circle k for another beer or ten. and told me to go to h--- with the whole thing, that hes just set in his ways and food and beer are necessities. ugh...................

and now, even though today wasn't at all bad compared to yessterday, i want to quit also. not really i know that benefits, especially after 27 years of the standar american diet and lets not forget the 3 years i wated doing drugs, and the 7 years that i smoked. i'm just totally drained and don't know how i can keep this up without him. i'm just emotionally exhausted and it doesn't really help that i can't fo eat eright now.

ugh............... forgive the ramble but i just need to know why i'm doing this again.................


r_tista