Re: categorize narcissist

Vanknin has opened the door for millions of people to understand, identify, and cope with the NPD. With one issue, I must disagree, however: my ex was a somatic NPD, as is my eldest son. Sex was at the core of everything that the ex did and everything that my son does. I haven't had "meaningful" conversation with my ex for about 12 years, so I have no idea what his proclivaties are, but I often remember him referring to the sexual activities of friends and/or acquaintances as a matter of entertainment. His references to female genitalia ("gaping gash," etc) were always negative, always demeaning, and horribly inappropriate. Stupid me, I thought he was trying to joke around, but it wasn't until I was eyeball-deep in his NPD sh*t that I realized that he truly despised, detested, hated, and abhorred women. He was hardly autoerotic - he wanted to engage in as much sexual activity as possible, and really sought the more perverted, demeaning aspects. self-gratification had no part in his personal activities and this is where I take issue with Vanknin's assessment.

The more NPD's that I come into contact with, the more varied expressions of narcissism become. A former "friend" vascilated wildly between cerebral and somatic narcissism and, even in her mid-40's, she would engage in extremely risky sexual behavior and then bait, lure, and ensnare FEMALE "friends" or companions that were based upon "intellect," as she liked to phrase it. She told me once, "I don't like to make friendships with people who maintain a lower IQ level than I do." As with my ex, I had thought that she was joking, but I realized that she honestly believed herself to be the Supreme Authority On Everything. Her VICTIMS were usually women who were intelligent, but in a very, very bad socio-economic situation (divorce, battered, etc.) and she would ensnare her victims with feigned empathy and material support. I am not aware of any activity that she had with other women, but I distinctly recall her references to sexual activities as a precursor to some intimate gesture, like a foot massage or something similar - I always declined, as I felt that there was something a bit more about her requests for physical contact.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder does have it's criteria, but the individual expression of NPD is often so convoluted that it still can hit me blind-side! Tweet