Parents

I am so grateful that I still have my parents. They are both now in their mid 80's and they still insist on living by themselves, even though their health is not good at all. My Daddy, being the worse of the two has congestive heart failure, a inoperable brain tumor, Parkinson's Disease and Christmas Day, he told me he has terminal cancer. I lost it and cried that day and have pretty much cried ever since. To be honest, it's almost May now and outside of a few close friends, I have been unable to talk about it.

I know everyone loves their parents, but my Daddy is truly my hero. He always has been. He is the smartest man I have ever known. He was born in a dog trot house way up in the hills of northern Mississippi and worked hard all his life. He even walked the four miles to and from school and chopped cotton growing up. He was in WWII and began his life with my Mama as a cotton farmer. His health would not allow him to continue farming cotton, so he and my Mama raised us four kids in the city after he took another job. So, even though I look "city," my heart is pure country.

I have tried to move them closer to me, (I am 5 hours away from them) but they say no. They want to stay where they are. Assisted living is out of the question because he would have to give up his dog and he isn't about to do that.

So, I have accepted the fact that they will live their life the way they want. My Mama does the driving for the two of them and they rely on people around them for their yard and most of their meals. I go over there as much as I can, but the stress of worrying about them when I am not around them takes a toll on me.

You have to be in this situation to fully understand what I am talking about. I know, in the past, I would hear middle age people talk about caring for their aged parents, but I didn't understand. Now, I do. In the past, I would think these parents were just old and had lived out their life. Now, it's MY parents and it's totally different.

My Daddy is on oxygen pretty much 24/7 these days and I know his time here on earth is limited. My Mama will outlive him. I know that now. Several years, I would have said the opposite.

It still doesn't take away from the fact that I love them both so much and selfishly, I want to keep them here. I try to call them every day and when I am down, they are just a phone call away. When I want advice, they are there. When my own children drive me crazy, I know I can go to them and be their daughter and I don't have to be a Mama or a wife. Did you know that my Mama, to this day, will turn down my bed for me when I visit? She still fixes my favorite meal...not so much anymore because she isn't able. But, she always goes out of her way to make me feel loved and special.

I am also scared because I see my parents as the top of our family tree and when they are gone, I am "promoted" to the top and I don't want to be on the top.

I know when the time comes very soon that my Daddy is no longer here on this earth, I will be lost forever. I tell him all the time things he taught me growing up and continues to teach me because I want him to know he is such a leader in my eyes, but I feel it's not enough. When I hug him, I don't want to let him go. When I tell him I love him, I want him to really understand how much I do love him.

I realize I am lucky to have been blessed by such loving parents.

I just don't want to give them up.

Paulette Tweet