Considering a relapse

First of all, I don't know what I want to come out of this message. I think more than anything, I just want to know that i'm not alone.

I'm 22 now and i've had an eating disorder in one way or another since I was 10. Last March, I was released from IP and put on Effexor for depression. I took the meds until November and in the seven months on them, I had no will to do much of anything about my weight. The drug itself didn't do much for me in the long term, but it did put my ED on a shelf for a bit. So now that I'm off them, I'm so sad that I let my eating disorder go and i would give anything to go back to my old ways.

I am even lying to my doctor that I have no urges to binge and purge or starve myself anymore. I'm 22 and i'm lying to my doctor. It's ridiculous! I miss being starved, and I miss being below 90 lbs.

If anyone can please tell me they have had these feelings after recovery and maybe offer some suggestion as to what you did. Obviously I would discuss this with my doctor, but then I would have to fess up about the relapse thoughts.

Any help, please??

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