HepC Non-responder w/Serious Mental Side Effects

I am a 39 year old female with chronic HepC diagnosed about 4-5 years ago. During the first couple of years my Gastro DR simply monitored my viral levels and any side effects I may have from having the disease since no treatment was readily available. Fortunately, when I was diagnosed I was asymptomatic and lived a pretty normal life with exception of chronic Depression and post traumatic stress disorger which I've suffered with for ALL of my life. After I discovered I had the disease I began a lifestyle change hoping I could "get healthy" and eliminate the disease on my own through exercise and change of diet. I lost over 50lbs, and took on new hobbies like martial arts, mountain biking and yoga. After the change in my lifestyle I went in for my yearly HepC check up and my viral counts had dropped so much so... they didn't even register on the chart. I truly believed I had beat this demon of death by simply treating my body "nicer". The next 6-month check-up revealed that my levels had risen again, even though I was maintaining my new healthy lifestyle. Shortly after learning that my viral counts were off the chart, I went through a series of stressful events. I moved to be closer to my DR's office and got a new job in a new town. I had my gallbladder removed and was geno-typed as Geno Type 1 - and 6 months later I started ombination therapy with peginterferon alfa-2b and ribavirin. My Gastro DR asked about my issues with depression, knowing that the treatment would affect me in that area of my health since I had a known issue and was being treated with the Paxil antidepressant for depression. The DR increased my Paxil intake to 30mg a day and we started the peginterferon/ribiviran treatment. Sadly, I only lasted 3 months on the treatment before my doctor pulled me off of it due to severe depression. I didn't get any benefit from the from the peginterferon/ribiviran treatment - ZERO - and no change in my Hep vitals. I had a liver biopsy that revealed a fibrious liver and my DR said I had 2 to 5 years to full blown cirrosis at the rate my disease was progressing however she was MORE CONCERNED with the side effects of the peginterferon/ribiviran than the outcome of my treatment. I had severe Depression with the treatment, I was suicidal, I started having excessive panic attacks and issues with anxiety. I tried to subside some of the side effects of the treatments by smoking marijuana, which some have said is not a good thing to do, but it brought me relief during my time of treatment when nothing else could. After I started having uncontrollable issues with the panic attacks and Depression I was more than happy to get off of the peginterferon and try to resume a normal life and try the exercise and healthy living again but that is easier written than lived. I still use marijuana and have been a daily user for the past 2 years, since beginning treatment and feel comfort but only temporary comfort, and not to mention its illegal and expensive to maintain.

My experience with peginterferon/ribiviran was nearly 2 years ago and I have not been back to the Gastro DR, I have not had any blood work done, and no recent biopsies. Its like... they dropped me and just left me to deal with the disease on my own. I don't think about my disease as much as the debilitating panic attacks and issues with depression. I went in to my family DR to get help with the panic attacks and issues with depression and was referred to a physchiatrist who is now treating me for Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia. I am on Lexapro 40mg and .25mg of Xanax as needed and taking Lunesta 3mg to sleep. The panic attacks have subsided to some degree but only with the help of the Lexapro and the Xanax and of course if I stay "housebound".

I have lost my job again due to 2 panic attacks I had at the workplace, one in an elevator at my work - and have been housebound for about 3 months now only getting out to get groceries and basic necessities and trips that only require me to be away from my home for very short amounts of time or very short distances.

I don't want to be on Lexapro, I don't want to be on Xanax, I don't ever want to have to go through the combination therapy with peginterferon alfa-2b and ribavirin. And yet, I am so fearful to get off of the Lexapro, it seems to keep me somewhat stable, if I miss a day or take a lower dose, I go through what some may describe as withdrawl symptoms, I sweat, I am agitated I can't sleep I am an emotional wreck. I don't rely on the Xanax though it says to take it 4 times a day, I simply don't - because I am afraid it is addictive and I don't want to be addicted to anything and yet I find that I rely more on smoking marijuana 2 to 3 times a day than I do on the drugs meant to help me feel at peace in my own body.

I have never felt peace in my own body since the first dose of peinterferon - NEVER. I am not sure what this drug or the side effects have really changed in my body, but I am lost and I need help. I don't even know where to begin to start fixing this plethora of problems that seem to just be compounding as I progress in my disease and suffer from sideaffects of medicines.

Anyone been down this road? If you have.... your experiences good, bad, or otherwise could be very helpful for me finding my way to health in my journey. Please share any comments suggestions or encouragement ... I am grateful for any responses.

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