Re: aging hair thoughts

when i was in my twenties and thirties I thought all concern with aging and the fountain of youth and turning back time was ridiculous--yes, the arrogance of youth--I thought such concerns were desperate and pathetic, and lacking in grace--lacking you know, what they call 'aging gracefully'. --couldn't imagine why anyone would want to live for longer than the usual anyway--I figured 84 for me was about right--but of course I never imagined illness or any of the so-called "diseases of aging". I saw myself just deciding to leave.

When I think of how I've asked one or two doctors ( up to a few years ago, that is) about some small thing, like a new mole or a small red spot on the breast (young doctors I might add!) they've invariably almost laughed and said, oh, it's just age. -As if to say anyone past forty ought to be prepared to make way for others. That's a really vicious world in some respects, with a kind of mass-mindedness of accepted behaviour: what passes for just 'real life' or 'the facts'.  Anyway--I don't go to doctors anymore.

It may have been that I had a dream that I would live to 84 -that happens too: those sorts of dreams. I  had one that very clearly told me I would die at 33, and at 44. I was devastated at first because the dream and the being I asked, were so real! And showed such compassion at my asking, and my response. But I can now say I DID die at both these times.
however, I was still of the mindset that says: with a certain liberation has to come death of the form! Not true--but that realization takes a great 'leap' beyond and free of the mass of conditioning, through countless lifetimes! and for me that leap came -as most things come-  paradoxically through its opposite-- in this case, a descent. Thirty-three was more a "crucifixion experience" ( as it's known psychologically-speaking) and a classic descent into the depths...that was capped by a near-death experience.

and 44 was something beyond that. Much closer to ego death ( which the body -mind reacts to as if it were brutal murder) and along with that--again--that sense that one must 'die' in order to make the transition.Oh--I almost forgot another kind of near-death when my son was being born. Many women will appreciate what I mean.

So--there's a lot to this thing about believing and the problems it can cause!


Still--there is a balance too. it has been said by many who have some level of wisdom--don't make the body your 'home'. That is not where the treasure lies although the treasure *is* paradoxically ( also ) in 'the heart'. (or rather heart-mind)

Now that I'm approaching fifty though, I can say that my perspective has changed! ( again ) Is it that we are actually mentally 'younger' than other generations? I don't know--but I'm only beginning to feel like I'm old enough to be properly young., with *awareness*. And I want to make use of that. Getting closer to clear seeing--at the same time as -if I believed in it, I would 'accept' that -my eyesight is diminishing. so maybe too, we have an unconscious believe that to gain a certain level of something, we must give up another level? Sounds like that fits the 'worldly' ideas of economics--or what we are taught to believe is the 'way things work'.

I feel in spirit, and in the way I care for this "temple", closer to that 22 that mH always talks about. I'm not sure if I have less hair on my head--it's always been extremely fine--but I have less everywhere else! That makes sense to me, as it feels like I would need less of hair's protective and engaged qualities of acting as 'antennae'--the more I disengage from the standard 'world view', (  its concerns, or its possible 'attacks'). I think that's what is truly meant by 'aging gracefully'. Not, getting out of the way, and shrinking, but detaching more from this world of matter and aquisition, through seeing more of the truth of a bigger picture. I'm sorry I didn't have many older people in my life, when I was younger--for I think I've always seen with this sort of older eyes...albeit without the wisdom part.