Re: Trust issues and am I being unreasonable? (EDITED)

(I edited this because after posting I realized the blurb I posted was more appropriate to couples.  I have edited it just down to the main categories below instead of the text that went with them.  There is a link below if you want to read more.)

Wow, this is tricky.  There are so many layers and levels to these sorts of situations, coupled with how truly GROSSLY busy most people's lives have become that it is not such an easy task to assign motive behind an absence.  I have been on both ends of this sort of situation, usually on the end you are on, and the best I can tell you is you need to sit down and decide for yourself what YOU feel is healthy and okay in regards to your role in a relationship.   In order to do this you will need to realize a few fundamental things, and probably the main one is....

Not to compare yourself or your efforts with what you see others doing.  Once you start doing this, dissatisfaction will almost IMMEDIATELY sink in.  Has it occured to you that your makeup as a person is completely different from most of the people you are drawn to?  Of course it is!  It is probably the reason you were drawn to them in the first place.  People DO have talents, desires, energies, needs, gifts that make them completely different from you, but not necessarily any less of a friend because of them. 

Have you ever sat down and wondered what your friend's idea of friendship is?  Maybe to them, friendship is not phonecalls and planning things to do, but instead complete acceptance, ease during those times when you do get to catch up that is not laced with disappointment or expectation on the part of the other person.  Maybe the perfect friend to them is someone who will be happy to spend time with them whenever they CAN get together while still being able to maintain a comfort and closeness (which may be where THEIR head is at in the friendship even if yours is not) even if you do not see each other for months at a time.

Keep in mind I am probably more like you are.  But age has taught me that people are different and if you pay attention maybe your own way of communicating affection is not theirs.  They may have different ways of expressing affection and love.  I am more  "service oriented" - I love doing nice things for people, helping them, calling them, making them feel special.  It is how I express love and how I best FEEL loved in return.  I am also very  verbal and communicative.  For a long time I felt like you did in relationships, dissatisfied because I felt like I was the one doing the majority of the giving.  I am naturally equipped this way and so it was hard for me to fathom the 'laziness', 'flakiness' or just plain selfish amount of energy others seemed put into our relationships.  It is very easy to get into the mode of feeling like you are on the short end of the stick.

There is a book out called the five love languages, I have never read it but it does give some insight into things and may give you a new perspective on how differently people communicate love.  After evaluating things you may find some of your friendships are not worth holding onto...in others you might find you have simply been misinterpreting the way they are communicating not only their affection towards you, but their need for affection FROM you as well.  Anyway, here is a blurb on the different types, (I suspect from a quick look at them just now you might be a 'quality time' person).  This is as far as I have ever gotten but it was very easy for me to find the people in my life in each of these categories.  What is more, it completely made sense to me when I reevaluated my relationships.  What I had before considered to be 'shallow' or 'selfish' in them was actually the way that they best needed and expressed love.  Anyway, hope this helps!

The Five Love Languages

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

From:

http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/