I am no expert here on this subject, but have you read the section from Hulda Clark e on this condition? She mentions something about molds growing in the body and releasing dealy toxins. None of this is your fault. You just wanted different experiences! Read up on the section about mold/toxins/ parasites causing this type of illness. It would be good to look back on this as experience when you are back to yourself. This is a great website for getting info. I had horrible Depression a year back and had some crazy thoughts ideas, like hating myself and feeling as though I was dangerous in some way. It is truly horrible and I never want to go back there. I have had metal fillings replaced in my teeth and am getting therapy to remove that stuff from my body. Good luck to you and hope you find the path of health again.