Re: Pageant's over, here's the news...

well, i havent said much here, but i do keep up on the news of this forum for motivation.... but i DID want to say something to you tonight, so here goes.......

kudos to you for not being insane about not being #1....i know a million things are going thru your head right now.... what can i say about the times you tried and thought you failed fasting?

well, i am learning alot as i am trying to get a physics degree at penn state for the navy, and in only 3 years.... i will be 25 in Feb and i am having a hard time going to school again...... my advisor is always saying "did you do everything you could?' when my grades arent so hot, and i ALWAYS beat myself to a pulp (same with my need to lose weight to be in regulation)...i always come home and kick myself for reading books or takin long baths or watchin tv because i COULD have been studyin or workin out like every second of my life!....SO....

did you miss oppourtunities to do pilates or go to the gym or not eat whatever broke your fast? yes to all of them.... had you been PERFECT, you would have NEVER caved and you MIGHT be where you *think* you might have been.....BUT.....

when i look at myself in those times, i say "wait a darn minute missy!", had i been PERFECT, i might be crazy from haveing NO free time and i know FOR SURE that i would heve been burned out *because i almost am now* and i would rather be sane than within someone else's standards.... every moment of your life has purpose and meaning and you would have missed out on what they offered had you not eaten or worked out...what was the value of this "failure" time?...well, sometimes it is simply that you gave your mind the chance it needed to not go crazy!.....and others, maybe to enjoy life for a while......

but those are my ramblings....i (now) realize that i will not live my life feeling guilty when i read a non-school book or watch tv (for less time than the avg. school kiddie here too)...these are AVERAGE things that AVERAGE people do, and for the most part, we both are tryin to do what AVERAGE people dont do every day...... we are still ABOVE AVERAGE!......

now some ramblings about fasting....

i do lots of research on anything before i do it, fasting included.......i know alot about it, good and bad....and here is what i DO know: fasting is neither easy nor natural for the body....it was done in the Bible and it has been goin on for a long time.... but noone said the body would WANT to do it or make it easy....even Jesus was tempted whenhe fasted in the woods....the Good Book says so...... to people who say it is unsafe, well it is....if ABUSED...like most things on earth..... it could screw you up if you went too far....i believe crazy fasting has a name: ANOREXIA!... none of us here are tryin to do that, so lets not get focused on the bad things.......

i know from personal experience that it is hard....i know from research that the people who have the hardest time are those who have unhealthier lives....some of the biggest successes come from those who are already vegan/raw and dont smoke drink or eat fast food... not MOST OF US.... the pains are real as the toxins leave the body and even REPEATED feelings of yuckiness after cheating WILL NOT teach us to fast better......just as the guilt from smoking a cigg do every time we try to quit and the same for coffee....it will take time and many start-overs to be able to get to our goals.......

as a side note, take a simple poll of all of us here who would PARADE AROUND IN PUBLIC IN FRONT OF A MASS OF PEOPLE IN A SWIMSUIT AND HEELS and lets sit back and see who would say "yes, i would be comfortable doing that!"....i am not one of them.....give yourself a pat on the back for that!...... and for losing any weight in general, as some people have yet to savor even that first pound melting away and those tight clothes loosening their death grip on the waist or thighs...... small success is STILL success; ask anyone here.....

the body DOES NOT want to give up fat...we must trick it and lie to it and even tell it NO with the same mind that is wanting to cave in.... it is an outdated yet unconquered signal we have left over from hunter/gather times when FAMINE was real and terrible..... THAT is what we are trying to FIGHT... heavens no it will not be easy and neither will it be quickly learned how to do it...... give yourself the same credit and support that you offer to others because the difference between those who have lost and those who keep failing is not ability, will power or dedication...it is KNOWLEDGE!... and whenever you or i find that knowledge ourselve of how to tame our own bodies in a way that works for our minds...THEN we will win too!

congrats on your EVEN BEING THERE and givin those girlies a run for their money!... i know i was rootin for ya and livin pagent-vicariously thru you.... now take some time off....get back to your happy place and clean it out and fill it with even more you-applicable happy stuff...... prepare yourself mentally and assess the true WHAT and WHY of where you want to go from here on out....even if you fast again or not....

personally, i couldnt do the water only or the Master-Cleanse fast every time i tried, for even ONE DAY!.....but i finally realized that the goals i was trying to attain WERE NOT MINE and so i failed.... i tried again for religious reasons and reasons i wanted to suceed.... in those desperate times, you have to have the ABILITY to fall back on something that you really want or believe because it is easy to cave in when you honestly tell yourself that the reasons you are fasting are NOT YOUR OWN... it is easy to cheat when you dont think you are cheating yourself.....

i finally did a 1 day only and was SO HAPPY that now i feel i could do it again when i align my goals with what the navy wants me to do...i would encourage you to do the same and in times of need, you will say "why am i doing this?" and the answer will truely be "because I WANT THIS FOR THIS REASON!"...maybe then you can do it!

Wow, this is long, but i REALLY wanted you to know that you are special and, just like everyone else, NOT A FAILURE!

good luck to you and to all of us as we stumble along this path in search of the places we are seeking

God Bless and keep truckin!

Love,
Gena