Me too! (just starting)

Wow, ok, last year about this time I was a low 129.5 for my 5'4" build. I have a bit of extra muscle and my bones are fairly large so that was very skinny. I was healthy and since coming down from 135, I still thought I was so fat! I kept between 129 and 132 for several months, but I became very unstable emotionally due to some relationships I was in. I was plain out scared. Then in the end of october my little brother was in an auto accident and was in ICU for a week, and a total of 3 weeks in the hospital, which was 1 hour from where my family lives and we practically lived in the waiting room making trips everyday and staying as long as we could. All this was stressful and the relationships were messed up, all of my friends were off to school and I was mad at them. I hit the vending machines and since I work at a coffee shop, being tired I went ahead and drank what I wanted to get fake energy. Well, I only gained 5 lbs or so. Then, in January we took a trip to my grandmother's who was recovering from a stroke and needless to say, we snacked a lot. I gained another 5 lbs. I thought I was so fat. OK, so 142 is not so bad, right? Well since then I have continued upward, 3 days ago I weighed 160! I was 155 to 158 for a while, I had been really rude to my family lately and just felt wasted. I felt like I had done everything and I just didn't have any control over my what I ate or anything I was so tired and had no energy. Then I went on a walk and just started crying and prayed "God, I hate this, I hate the fact that I care and I hate the fact that the word FAT is on my mine more then anything. I want to change, but from the inside out. I'd rather be fat than ugly on the inside, but I don't know how to change" I felt like I should be in control of at least my weight, what was wrong? I cried out to the Lord to heal me, heal my hurts and help me to be happy again. I could not understand how he would fix it, but the spirit of fear and despair would just have to leave. Well, I was going to bed early and my Mom's radio was on in her room which is right next to mine, so I went to turn it off, I flipped the nob not knowing what was on, just a talk show or something, but I had an impression that I ought to turn it back on for a moment. I did, and I listened to the entire thing because it was EXACTLY what I needed. A preacher telling me that this was an issue. I needed to stop trying to get ahead of God and just trust him. It's about faith, and letting God be in control, because he is, it's just a matter of me realizing it and letting him lead me instead of me trying to build my own castles and roads. He's building his own you know! Well, the guy wasn't talking about weight loss, but about control. So anyway, my prayer was "God, as long as I care and don't want to give you control, just don't let me lose anything at all, no matter what I do." I maintained exactly 158 for over a week doing everything I could think of and then I started worrying again and gained 2 lbs! So anyway, this had to stop. I changed my attitude and descided to keep weighing myself and got on the scale before taking my shower. I could almost see it climbing to 165... I had lost 1/2 lb without trying! I had this impression - God is in control and there is nothing I can do that will make me be someone I shouldn't be. I am going to lose 1/2 lb every day this month. I am at 157.5 now. This is not just a goal, this is going to happen. I am happy with my weight right now and when I look in the mirror I feel thin. I don't call my self fat and I am working out a few times every week with a friend. (which is an awesome time to grow spiritually for me) and I am eating less and more healthy things.

I hope everyone reaches the point where they can be happy with who they are, because that is where you are no longer struggling with weight and stress and fear of what others think, you are just happy because you are fat or because you are thin or because you are a mom or because you like cats. It's about love!

btw, my little brother is doing great, he has some weight stories too. He weighed a low 169 when he got out of the hospital and in April he was 193, now he is 176. (He is a very muscle buff 5'8")