Healing Can Only Come....

...with forgiveness. You need to forgive her and yourself for issues that dwell in the past. They do noone any good to harbour in the present. Dwelling on these past issues and keeping unhealthy images alive in your mind will only serve to sicken your mind and eventually your health.

How to forgive the seemingly unforgivable?

Through awareness of what forgiveness is, what you are forgiving and learning a process that allows you to do it.
The follwing is interesting.

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The Stepping Stones to Forgiveness
by Gerald Jampolsky, M.D. and Diane V. Cirincione, Ph.D.



Be open to the possibility of changing your beliefs about forgiveness. Recognize that forgiveness is an act of strength, not weakness.


Be willing to let go of being a victim. Choose to believe that holding on to grievances and unforgiving thoughts is choosing to suffer. Find no value in self-pity.


Remind yourself that your anger and judgments can’t change the past or punish someone else, but they can hurt you. The events of the past cannot hurt you now, but your thoughts about the past can cause you immense distress and pain. Recognize that any emotional pain you feel this moment is caused only by your own thoughts.


See the value of giving up, not some, but all of your judgments. It is no coincidence that the happiest people are those who choose not to judge and know the value of forgiveness.


Recognize that holding on to anger will not bring you what your truly want. Ask yourself this question, "Does holding on to my justified anger really bring me peace of mind?" Anger and peace; judgment and happiness do not occur at the same time.


See that there is no value in punishing yourself. Once you truly recognize that your angry, unhappy thoughts about the past are poisoning your life, you will embrace forgiveness and know the meaning of love.


Believe that forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past! Accept your past, forgive your past, and embrace the present and future with hope! There is no law forcing you to remain a victim of the past.


Choose to be happy rather than right. When we stop trying to control others and focus instead on our own thoughts, we give ourselves the gift of freedom and peace.


Believe that you have the power to choose the thoughts you put into your mind. Perhaps the greatest gift we have been given is the power to choose loving thoughts rather than angry ones. Your mind is not a dumpster that will remain unaffected by the trash you put into it. Treat it like a garden and it will blossom.


Be willing to make peace of mind your only goal and believe that forgiveness is the key to happiness. Regardless of the chaos around us, we can know peace if that is our single goal. Choose not to let outside circumstances or people decide whether you will be happy. Anger, judgments and unforgiving thoughts make suffer, and releasing them brings us joy. It truly is that simple!
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I would also recommend two outstanding books that will give you a deeper insight on forgiveness and getting on top of all painful associations.

The Power of Now by Eckhrt Tolle and Freedom From Judgement by Andreas Moritz

Here's a decent web resource: Forgiveness Website...there are many more. You have already realized the first step which is awarenss of the need to let go of unhealthy thoughts. In the end they are your thoughts and only you can change them. Welcome to curezone.
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