Re: ...the 'wierdest' thing....

ah, an Aussi! :) I envy you, I'd love to see the lands down under, and everyone I know who's gone there really speaks well of the people. :)

Yes, troubled childhoods abound when 6 is the first challenge. :(

I think it would be excellent for you to read up on MAP by Machaelle Small Wright. It's basically Reiki wihtout having to go to a Reiki person, and really helps one to heal past-life trauma, current life trauma, as the healing is all done energetically. Her Website is:

www.perelandra-ltd.com

then just follow the products catalogue to books. The entire title is "MAP: the co-creative white brotherhood medical assistance program." It helps to have flower essences to, to stablize and balance. :) And there may be other publications/products that will resonate with you. Lots of empowerment for life and health on that website! from balancing your energetic field, to making wishes and getting assistance from non-human intelligences for gardens and soil-less gardens, to balancing our microbe colonies. :)

Like you said in your first post, you feel best when you're helping people. So take little steps - find ways to help people that make you feel good without causing anxiety. As you heal and ground yourself, you can take on more. :) I think it's amazing and most impressive that you have children - most people with your challenges would have run screaming into the night at the mere thought of having kids! ;)