i feel lost and confused

My boyfriend and i have been together for 4 years.We are eachothers high school sweethearts and first loves.We have always had our ups and downs. Sometimes i feel more than most people. But still we have continued to stand by eachother. We were engaged almost 2 years ago. I must of told everyone i knew including strangers that we were engaged because i was so happy.everything was fine except for the fact that he couldn't bring himself to tell his family. he claimed that he didn't want to hear what they would say to him because he knew they would be against it. it tore me apart inside so bad. i eventually gave him back the ring and things have never been the same again.everytime i see an engagment ring or someone getting married it brings back this horrible feeling.if we were to ever get engaged again i know it just wouldnt be the same feeling as before. recently all we have done is fight over stupid things. we will fight one day and be fine for a few days and then back to fighting the next.most people i know wouldnt put up with a relationship like mine. but neither of us can let eachother go. i have also been finding out little white lies that he either just kept from me or didn't tell me to "spare my feelings". i feel hurt and betrayed even though they arent that big of lies. but to me a lie is a lie no matter what.everytime something comes up between us i find myself thinking of cutting myself. and a lot of times i do. not to kill myself but i guess just to feel any other pain but the one he has given me. i know its not healthy to be cutting myself and being depressed all the time. and i want so badly for things to just work out. but everytime i turn around, we have another fight. i just dont know what to do. i feel like im not worth anything to him even though i know he loves me as much as i do him. are guys really this stupid to not see what their actions are doing to the people they love? is there anyway i can get through to him?when we talk about things like this we just end up fighting.we agree not to fight again but then what happens? we do. im just really confused. am i waisting my time on just a dream life i have with him or do i just keep trying to make this work? Tweet