i hit my girlfriend

help me guys for i have sinned.. last tuesday i made the biggest mistake of my life.. i hit my girlfriend, who i am now without.. After getting off from work at 10pm i first stopped at the gas station to grab the usual 6 pack, my girlfriend disagrees with my nightly drinking, but was feeling like a buzz too... now i come from an irish family who drink quite a bit, but luckly it wouldnt be any problem for me not to.. not seeing all the damage it was doing to our relationship at the time i continued on... alyan (name scrambeled) perfers her beer out of a glass, so i handed her her glass while i gulped down my bottle... as soon as i reached that long awaited buzz after such a stressfull day my mind was finially free.. not that i need to be stressed, but after getting this buzz nightly for six months, one starts to convince himself that its his daily stress relief.. my wash maching had broken down, and i asked alyan if we could use hers, she agreed and continued to undress herself from her gym cloths.. she sat down on the bed beside me and smiled in the way when she wants to get a little intimate.. at this time all that was on my mind was getting my laundry washed and dried without staying up too late... when alyan kissed me i pulled away early and said " can we go do laurndry first?" soft and friendly, this sent her through the roof.. alyan was a couple days into her period, a very very painful one too. Alyan called me an a**hole, and since i had my buz, i took it more offensive than i would sober, we agreed not to cuss at eachother, so i sent that line back to her "your the a**hole" (huge mistake) then she dumps her beer on my head, which went all over our new sheets, into the matress.. I exploded and said "why the he** did you do that!" this was when it got ugly... alyan slammed her fist into my testicles.. just like in the cartoons, i saw nothing but stars and fealt like i was going to puke all over her... i grabbed her by the wrist and pinned her down on her back on the bed and told her never to do that again... , she told me to get off in a very angry note (i believe she wasn't hoping to hurt me as bad as she did) so i let go and started inching back, BAM the second blow to my testicles.. without any thought, i slapped her face.......... my life came to a screaching hault that night... i should never had slapped her, just as she shouldn't have done her share of the job. This wouldn't have happened if we were'nt drinking though... As soon as i hit her she screamed for my roommate, my roommate (an older woman) called her mother to pick her up for her, and sat between us on the curb waiting for her mother to pick her up at 1am.. with her crying here eyes out.... i haven't eaten but three crackers in the past 3 days, ive lost 8 lbs and cannot sleep because of this night... alyan would tell me over and over that she didnt want me to drink, but i never bothered to really listen why.. now im alone and misreable, i cant believe i hit the girl who i love so deerly.. i saw a counsuler, who told me my problem was due to drinking.. so i quit cold turkey, no problem what so ever... I'm still trying to forgive myself, but even more i want my love back... but dont know how to do so.. all of her family and friends hate me now... but for who i was when i drank that night, now who i really am... i calling her days ago, she only said to me that she had to go then hung up. then this morning ran into her at her complexes pool, and tossed her an apology letter, only to hear her say i need to leave.... it made my day that she actually took the letter from me.. Can any of you guys give me any advice on how to get my life(my girl) back... i understand that i should never ever had hit her..and gave up drinking because of it, but i want her back..... please write back -james Tweet