learning and healing

Mary Mary quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockle shells
And pretty maids all in a row.

i am going through a massive healing crisis. "bloody mary", daughter of henry the eighth would have been much pleasured by me of late. my "silver bells"(thumscrews) and "cockle shells"(believed to be instruments of torture which were attached to the genitals) have been my own diseased tissue in my neck, my shoulders, and going down my back and my arms. oh, for the relief of a "pretty maid"(a mechanical instrument of execution now known as the guillotine, then known as a maiden).

my garden, of course, has been in my gut. and with each new birth of a good bacteria a gravestone(which made up mary's garden) has popped up in my deep tissue causing the aforementioned parts of my body to become inflamed boils of torture.

since i began taking my A*****ose mix and my synbiotics(or is it symbiotics, as in symbiosis?), i have been curtailed in much of my activity due to exessive fatigue and this building up of extreme(an understatement) soreness. i feel like i have been beat with a louisville slugger repeatedly about the neck and shoulders, an obvious payment for the sins of my youth continued into young adulthood.

this has delayed the info i have wanted to post for you all regarding these mixes, but that will come, i promise. for now, the more pressing matter is "what is going on with me and why?"

my friend, who started this at the same time as i, has experienced the sleepiness but none of the pain. the sleepiness is a healing crisis of the sort which requires energy for repair. repair takes place during sleep, so the body is simply reacting to this overwhelming need from a newfound ability to do much needed deferred maintenance. the key to my particular difficulty of pain like boiling in oil comes from our friend duane:

"All of these "gram-negative" bacteria have a toxin in the outer membrane of their cell wall, called and "endotoxin". This isn't really a problem...while the bacteria is alive. If the bacteria dies, this endotoxin is released. If large amounts are released at the same time, then it cause a toxic reaction by the body (different reactions depending on the tissue involved and the type of endotoxin)

As you take the glyconutrients, which mostly feed the "good" bacteria, this causes more of these coliforms to die, releasing larger amounts of endotoxins. Later, as the bifidus and lactobacillus become the dominant bacteria, and there are less gram-negative coliforms present, there isn't this problem. This is why the negative effects start at the beginning of taking these supplements, but usually diminish after 1-3 weeks.

Older adults have been shown to have higher levels of these organisms. Many different diseases, drugs, and type of diet have been shown to increase the amounts of these in the human digestive tract. In general, the older we are, the more of these bacteria we have, and the less of the good bacteria.

One of the first lines of defense to these endotoxins in the intestines are "secretory antibodies" IgA. These antibodies are secreted into the intestine and bind to the endotoxins and prevent their absorption, or tag them to be destroyed. If our immune system is slow to react, or if the endotoxin release to too much, too fast, then some will get through."


this is a pretty clear description of what is happening with me. liver function seems to be the culprit if i go with this straightforward explanation. every time i have eaten, this has gotten much worse. this would be due to two things that i know of. first, the body itself being overwhelmed already with the tasks before it is stretched thin even further by asking it to process food(raw food not effecting me nearly as much as dead cooked food) and allowing more of the toxins to escape neutralization. secondly, when the liver is backed up in its tasks, its undone work backs up in the lymph system into the shoulders and neck. i would accept this at face value but for one thing. my friend.

don(not his real name) is 45, making me a couple of years his senior. he is fairly overweight, experiencing the same kind af malaise that effects everyone in his condition and age group, had infrequent bowel movements, and ate like a horse all of the wrong stuff. over the past couple of months he has gotten his bowels to moving at least twice a day, has accomplished a 6 day fast with little discomfort, has not flushed his liver yet, and began this glyco/synbiotic regimine with me at the same time i did.

me, i have been unable to work since 1999, fired all my doctors in 02, and began modality after modality of natural healing in order to regain function. by the time we started this i had(not all inclusive) supplemented oxygen, treated and cured a candida infection using Colloidal Silver , done a tremendous amount of supplements to treat my liver and thyroid which was targeting my cold body temp and chronic fatigue, removed all the mercury from my mouth and chelated my body with tons of raw food and cilantro, ate all organic for several years, had seven successful liver flushes, taken numerous detox baths and done a lot of body brushing, and last summer i spent my days naked in the sun and slept at night outdoors on the ground. i have also accomplished a couple of fasts.

anyone who had done all of these should be in pretty good shape, and i have improved every step along the way. my brain fog was greatly diminished, my body temp is up and fairly stable, my energy is stronger and lasts longer all the time, but i am still not right. this is why i have not done anything to seek employment. my body is still telling me something is wrong. i felt that if i took my focus(god, have i focused almost all of my energy to get well) off of the task of getting well, i would end up where i started, and i would rather die right now than to even begin doing that. my poor health has robbed me of the best years of my life, the best years of my childrens lives(they are now 14, 15 and 17), my manhood, my livlihood, my dignity, my friends, and everything else except my hope and my god. it has not been fun.

so, why the difference between don and i? just a couple of months ago he was a diet pepsi swilling, bacon cheeseburger eating, 50+ pounds overweight guy who thought a healthy meal was one with jello salad on the table. i am about 20 pounds overweight and been eating and doing things religiously to get healthy for years. he has responded so well to lifestyle change and i can barely make gains any more.

i have been drawn to glycos like a moth to a flame for some time. however, being without an income for years has kept me from committing to anything monetarily. having twelve fillings removed from my mouth cost me my car. if the winner in this life is the one who dies with the most toys, i would be dead last, for i own nothing. plus, i have had no way of making any money. it is an awful thing to not be able to count on yourself, and every day has been a coin flip as to how i would feel. if i dared to have a normal day, get out and do something, it would cost me afterwards with fatigue and just a lack of capacity to function beyond a chair in the house. this is why my life has been on the internet for half a decade now.

i couldnt afford glycos and i couldnt do the mlm thing so i was stuck dreaming about it until this forum came along. i would have done this without don, but now with him on board, he will pay for what we need if i cant. so i decided i could do it without risking the possibility of benefit which i would have to forfeit later. i vowed to never go backwards so i have only done those things which i could sustain as a lifestyle or which had a short duration of treatment to begin with. i certainly plan on glycos falling into the latter category, but i have to be able to see the treatment through, and now i have that.

again, what is different between don and i? here is the best i can come up with. everything i have experienced so far has told me i have had an infection of some kind. i have had symptoms of scleroderma and ms, lupus and hepatitis, lyme, mycoplasma, chrones - all things that involve an infectious agent and/or a suppressed immune function. my skin was awful with liver spots and numbness, full blown reynauds, spider veins, etc. i have cured all of that with baths and brushing. i have cured my ibs and all of those related symptoms. and i still believe that a sustained fast would probably rid my body of whatever disease is buried within. but the flesh is weak, and mine particularly so because it is so diseased.

i knew when we started talking about prebiotic function of glycos that the final nail in the coffin of my ailment was within reach. if what i am going through is any indication, and if what duane says is valid, then i have had one hell of an infection buried deep within my tissues and it has been there for a very long time(i suspect a childhood vaccination) and it has prevented me from much physical life. i couldnt even run without getting winded and doubled over in fifth grade football, so i never played sports again. i never had physical drive. i could never sustain an aerobics program for very long. and i have always carried my weight like a woman - subcutaniously - and have almost always been overweight, though not obese. i carry a lot of my excess weight on my back so it is not so noticeable. just another problem with being so sick and so smart and sociable - no one could ever tell how bad off i was. so that when i told them, it meant NOTHING.

i would like to know what i have been infected with. i think it is important. i have always thought i was like a canary in a mine. i was not meant to make it past 50. and i think that is on purpose, or at least has some man made source which is important to know about. this may sound megalomaniacal to some - so be it. you aint me.