Re: says previous boyfriends name during sex

I've had a similar problem. Namely, I've discovered that names are stored in my memory in relation to what I did with that person. I don't know if that's how other people function, but for instance, if I am talking about yonger son, and am comparing him to my older son (his brother), then I get all mixed up with their names. When I talk about one of them, there is no confusion... but even then, just out of the blue, I screw up names.

My father is much worse: I don't know if he EVER got my and my brother's name right :-) ! This can get hilarious: he calls my brother and says "Pete!", and my brother who is right there ignores him. So my father is surprised that my brother is ignoring him, thinking that he must be pissed at him or something, and goes "Pete, is something wrong?" and my brother is still ignoring him... until my father looses it and says something like "Pete, why are you ignoring me, what the hell is the problem?" (and my brother is way yonger so there is no way he can confuse the two of us). Then my brother, who's got amazing sense of humore would calmly reply "I noticed you keep calling Pete, and he's not here... you OK man?" :-)

I've also noticed that we connect names to "roles" people play in our lives. Change a doctor and you accidentaly say your old doc's name when speaking to another person. Or I am sure people who went through divorce had those moments when out of the blue, they'd call their significant other by ex's name. I've done it a couple of times, and my wife wanted to kill me. What hurts is that she doesn't understand that it was an automatic thing (not now, but in the begining of our relationship), like your brain goes "I need to call my wife, my wife's name is blabla, so ' hey blabla' where blabla is an old information which is not easy to erase like it never existed.

BTW what I would be curious abuot is why is she still seeing her ex? This is very tough - break up but stay friends like there was never any chemistry? The other day I met my elementary school sweetheart. I mean, she was my real first love - when we were like 10 yrs. old! And funny thing is, you still feel in some way connected! So 20,30 yrs can pass, but you can't really ignore the fact you loved someone. This doesn't mean you don't love who you're with now, just that there is that association with the name.

In your case it probably means that sex with you is just as good if not better as with her ex. If you keep bringing this up and pondering it, you are actually strengthening that memory in her mind, and she will have a harder time not using his name when she want's to call you. This is not a matter of loving him or you, it's a matter of brain trying to come up with a solution in fastest possible way and neurons are right now wired to whatever was there longer and before. For the same reason it is said that it's easier to learn then unlearn. Tweet