I am feeling very alone and overwhelmed

GOD I know I have come to you alot this year for help and guidence, right now I

need you to give me strength and help pull me from this dark place that I am in

right now. This has been the worst year of my life and it seems no matter what I

do I just keep falling and I am feeling so overwhelmed and a complete failure to

my children. This year has been very hard on all of us, but especially on them.

They have been so strong and supportive and my best friends and have made me

so proud and at the same time they make me feel like such a failure because they

deserve so much more than I have been able to do for them since I have become

sick. I left their abusive father and soon after was in a very bad accident and then

over the year my health has declined and I have had quite alot of problems which

caused me to be in and out of the hospital. Christmas is coming and I have

become very depressed the more I think about it. Everytime I see a commercial

even mentioning it I have a panic attack or it turns me to tears because my kids

deserve what I cant give them.I know Christmas isnt about material things and my

kids and not spoiled but these kids have put me first all year and it should be the

other way around and they deserve more and I want so bad for them to have a

christmas. I dont even have any decorations. I lost them all when we left. I had to

leave most my things. I dont even have any winter clothes and I dont even have a

coat. All I want is for my kids to have what they need and for them to be happy

and know how special they are .I just got back out of the hospital last week. but

the whole time I was in there I and my friend called salvation army never getting a

person but left messages explaining my situation and telling them I needed my

kids to be put on the angel tree so they could be adopted for chritmas well noone

called back ever and now it is too late I finally spoke to a real person friday and

they said oh well too bad you missed the deadline by three days. I have applied

for disability but still am waiting for approval, I am suppossed to get 52.00 a

week for childsupport but my ex isnt even paying that and I called child support

services and it'll be months before they do anything. We have oil heat and I only

have enough fuel for about 2 weeks and I called about fuel assistance and they

said there is a waiting list and they wont even start approving anyone until the end

of december and thats not even a promise I will get approved .. only if funds are

available when they ever get to my name but I will be out of heat long before then.

I have called churches, red cross, ect. I dont know what else to do Lord. Please

send me help. I have three kids here and do not know where to turn now. we are

also very low on food. Dear God You know me, before I got sick I was hard

working and helped others and tried to be a good person, but I am so

overwhelmed right now and depressed and when I have tried to reach out for help

I just get turned away. Please God send me some help and some guidence and

strength. This is a very hard time for me right now. Thank you if anyone does want

to contact me I do not have my own computer but I check my email when I can at

the library or at my friends when I am able.
My email is praisetomysavior2003@yahoo.com
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