A spiritual battle

Last night, when I read the bible, I came across a verse saying that we should be rejoice and happy if we are suffered for christ and this morning I think I was facing such confrontation at home and blood pressure burst to 148/101. I am not feeling very well. I feel SOB, palpitation, and not feeling well. Actually, I am having hypertenison problem and require to take medication. This morning, my mom initial the trouble first. I admit that I also have faults during our argument, all out of a sudden, she is challenging our belief . She said Jesus > Christ won't give me food and shelter. Christ give me faith to live on , in facing a complicated health issues since birth. She always threaten to say she will move me out of the house. Though, she is unable to do this but it is sarcastic. Well, I am not having a job owing to health problems and I am rely on my parents for basic survival. It is also for this reason that they think I deserve no respect.

I will walk out of the house . I pray that God will pave the way for me if moving to other state is the best option They always think that I owed them . They had never appreciate how much I have contribute to them when I am at work. They are just counting how much they have been giving out. It seems I owed them alot.We are on family and no one should count like that. My elder brother is no longer caring for them and my mother is still pleasing him . For me, she put all the blame on me

I am in the internet cafe now I am feel more safe to send email here. . And whenever I am having domestic problem , it is often in the morning which is the time when my blood pressure is highest and it is the time I need to take the morning dose of the hypertension medication.Or sometimes, it is at night when I am prone to sleep problems

And I also feel sorry because I have been a poor witness of God during the confrontation. I admit that I lost control in my words but she is more powerful than me. I am already staying inside my room after the arguement to avoid my mother. Yet, when my father woke up, she recall the matter to him. I was further hurt when my father join her to start the confrontation again.

My blood pressure is 148/101.It has been controlled for the past weeks . I pray that I will be alright. I don't know if I can stand the prolonged and repeated stress. I hope I can get out of the house. Actually, I am thinking of Baptize I am wondering if I can be a good witness of God after having such a series of
confrontation at home.The bible taught us to love our family member .Yet, I am unable to keep harmony at home, not to mention about to arrive mutual support and I am thinking seriously of moving out for the sake of health reason and to restore my confidence and faith

I have seen a doctor last Friday and he wanted to put me on one more thyroid 1 thryoid tablet which might have alot of side effects. The most serious one is Lukemia, though it is rare . Patient having neurofribomatosis have a slightly higher risk of Lukemia than a normal person . This is what I am worrying about. The doctor advise me to take the tablet as I am losing bone
density at such a young age, having sleep problem, and blood pressure. When I try to discuss it with my mother last Friday, she was igonorant and felt no concern or sympathatic. She even scold me. I cannot expect support at home when dealing
with health issue. I pray to God and on saturday , I am quite positive about my problem and decided to seek second opinion because I felt that the doctor is always in a hurry when I try to ask him further question. I cannot afford to face the domestice problem at home and at the same time,facig the complicated problem of my heatlh issue. In the past when I am still healthy,
I can > tolerate whatever they said but after a sudden deteriation in health, I can no longer face stress.

I pray that God would forgive my mother for saying such a word against Him. Again , I am behaving badly during the confrontation. I have been a poor witness of Chirst today.

I am almost running of time and I got to go now. Please pray for me. Can I still baptize in facing such family conflict.

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