Dot !! :)

I am happy to see your response. I feel like I am being torn apart emotionally. I have'nt gone to a doctor but I would guess that I am in serve Depression and have an anxiety disorder. A few of my friends feel that I am bipolar, but I dont really think so. They dont understand that I am forced to perform. I feel like a mime. Happy,Dispear,Tears the whole lot. I cant voice my opinion to my mom so I over react to thing.. its my way of clearing the air. I am so glad you understand what I am feeling,a ndit is great to have someone who knows and has lived my life. I do think about leaving and living inside of my car. I just miss being happy. I haven't been since I was a teen, and that was off and on. If it wasnt for a friend of mine going through what I went through I would have lost it years ago. I mean straigh looney ville land. I know its God's will for me to stick it out.
I do things wihout thinking and knowing. I don't remember doing them and sometmies I do them in error. I am just soo very tired of being called a f**k up. I am tired of her eating at my soul. I hate that I gave her that much power, but I really had no choice. I remember questioning God once. I had 200 dollars in a drawer and it disappeared. I needed it to pay for the taxes on my car. I know very well that I did not throw it away. She took it. I really found myself very angry and I was going to do without God. I had gone through enough previously and that was my last straw. I know a few days later she had a minnie stroke. I know God had a word in that. I really just don't know what how to feel about her. I just want her out of my life forever. I dont allow my enemies to treat me this way,why is she doing it. God Dot she pushes me and sees that I am shook and not really there. I dont know what to do and can not control myself then. Everyone has a level that shouldnt be pulled. She taunts and laughs and watches me waste away. In my mind I just want her to fear what I feel. But I already know she does. Thanks you guys for allowing me to see this, through God.

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