re:implode

My heart is grieving for you discribed my life.My mother pulled a shotgun out when I was a teenager and was going to kill me and then herself.As an adult I had to live there with a young child and I was terrufied everyday I went to work that I'd come home and find my parents dead and my only child killed by them.I'd work but was never allowed to save a dime to get away from them.I had no where to go.I suffer with this problem to this day and I'm 51,as pp here can tell u about my manic deppressive phases when it gets hold of me.There is so much I could tell but it would go on forever and want to tell u that I truly know for have been there and it's not left yet.I know God is my healer and it will happen but don't know how much longer I can wait,right?But it will happen even tho we just want to give up and maybe even pray to die to have an end to the pain.Am I close?I really do know!Pp here know me and I'v showen my ass{excuse me}a lot when the manic gets to me but I know they still love me.Like they told u get out but I know it's a lot eaiser said than done.I kept getting married was my escape and I know u know how that worked out.I was the baby and controlling parents and such.I'm old now and have not recovered yet,but will.I really do know what u are talking about and feeling.Mine still envades my sleep.You are to so ypung I don't want to see you going thru this even into u'r 40"s and then finding yourself homless because u couldn't escape.I do know where your at!And it's not u'r fault!Love,Dot.