I am not a man, so i have no answer for you except this.
from a womans perspective. I think that a woman would rather achieve an orgasism prior to the guy anyhow cause some times guys that *ahem * pump *laugh * too long actuallydetract from a womans arousal. so if youcan as you say have oral for solong/ seems to me that is a good time to arouse her and then immediately as she is havingn an orgasm/ jump into the fray. so she isn't left out in the cold/so to speak. find a gal willing to work thisout with you , and i bet over time you will see it lighten up /since you are probably (some of it ) anxiety ridden andstresing helping the problem more... like i hav eno need to pee/ til i have to stand for an hour some where and know i willnot be able to *laugh * in public.. so all of a sudden i have to pee 5 times and feel like i need so the other too? you know what i mean.
good luck on your problem/ and it is not as bad as you might think it is from a womans point of view... as long as youare keeping her happy too. and so many ways to do that.most women after having an orgasm do not want to lie there and be pumpe don much anyhow .. for real. so relax 8)