Adverse effects on neurological and psychological

I just started to read about cirumcision, and what we lose when it is done to us.

I printed off a copy of the"Lost List" [link below], and was struck by page 7. It says that the trauma itself produces "learned helplessness", and "acquired passivity" in the infant boy. Its a matter of dealing with pain that we can neither fight nor flee.*[q below].
There is a loss of innate trust, and an infant's "self-confidence and hardiness" [!] is lost.

This struck me hard, like a truth hidden from me, that was highly personal. I remember being a grade one kid, full of anxiety and not very confident.I couldn't seem to do well inschool, but really wanted to because my family put so much importance on it - all my siblings were stars at school, and my dad was the vice-principle at the high school! But I didn't fit in, and maybe it had something to do with circumsision.

I allways stayed away from explanations like this, feeling they were just excuses for my lazyness.
Maybe there is a reason after all. Of course there is a reason - why would any kid choose to be lazy? I never liked that word, although it describes me pretty well a lot of the time.
'Hardiness' and self -confidence are not my strong suits, although I did try extra hard to show that I was hardy by climbing mountains and working as a carpenter. I tried to overcome my shyness and lack of self-confidence by becoming a musician and getting up on stage [I was always terrified].

Bravado is most common in those with insecurities!! [right?]
But eventually it all caught up to me. When I was forced into another situation of "passive acceptance of pain" ["aquired passivity"] as an adult, I really cratered into a helpless mindset.

It started 5 or 6 years ago, when I had so much tooth pains, but no dentists woud help me - I needed extractions, they wanted more money than that by doing crowns and caps, implants , but I was poor, and then they even asked me to leave their practises. I went to 12 dentists over 5 years and thats how long it took to get all the bad teeth out! During that time, I was forced to sit and wait, and I developed severe mental problems and an addiction to painkillers during those four years. I am still messed up bad, and still addcited. How could they not help me? -loss of trust was once again a big issue.

I really need for someone who knows me to accept this, I need some sympathy and understanding, from my family especially. They all just tease me about it, even saying that they "didn't have any problem getting a tooth pulled", or they say something to take away the seriousness of sitting in so much pain for months on end, over and over until the teeth were gone.

The rage is outside normal, I can barely write this now, I can't breathe suddenly, it is washing over me with grief and rage now, goosebumps, absolute rage.

And then I read the circumsicion thing today, and realise that the exact same feeling were there at that time in infacny, setting me up for a big fall when life would hand mme a challenge like bad teeth in the age of modern dentistry where they refused to accept that I needed extractions.

Ah, it all ties together now...

Jawg.



ps -
Why are my family so reluctant to accept 'the story' of all that dental suffering? - they must find me both disgusting and unbelievable, full of excuses, as always. And its sort of true too, now, with only the addiction left in my way to getting along in life again, independance and all that stuff.




Q -? - is it pain that was put on us by our mothers indirectly, but that we still know they are connected? Or just that we trust our mothers to keep us from pain, and this single biggest pain we have known was with them taking us to the hospital, meeting the doc with the knife, and them leaving us to it?

http://www.norm.org/lost.html