Re: childhood abuse

Rinna,
I'm sorry I haven't seen your post until now. I'm glad to know that someone is interested. About two months ago, I noticed a pattern in someone's post here at Curezone. A long period of Depression that had gone unnoticed/unrealized (taken for granted until grown enough to 'be dissatisfied') instead of thinking the adversity 'deserved' because of being 'less' than human. I was not just disrespected by family, but since it was dysfunctional, they took joy in holding me up to scorn (I was the most gentle person of the family, convenient target for their frustrations). I could not develop an identity as being PART OF the family and thought that happiness was only for other people, so, neither did I become PART OF society. I'm going to try and 'streamline' (keep it short) the explanation because I want to 'live it down' and leave the past alone. I'm doing much better now realizing that what spectators might think of as undesirable in me are only the strengths and idiosyncracies of character that make me...ME/self. God's name in ALL situations (forever) is "I am who I am" Exodus 3:14. He is the origin of natural man and we can only truly enjoy life by being like Him. We were meant to live in a paradise, so our introduction into this harsh world is terrifying to the natural mind. If family is 'not there for us' to help us adjust to the transition, the natural mind will react with "The Scream" of Depression (link to artist's painting at bottom).
Understanding that my Depression was not an abberation of a 'sicko', but caused by an injustice, is what allowed me to start accepting who I am. It was the opportunity to help others here at Curezone that showed me the truth about myself (self-healing of the mind is done by helping others, vicarious redemption). This was done without therapists or research, but only introspection and the survivor's wisdom from past experiences (knowing how and why the human heart cries). It was not the 'institutional' church that helped me heal (they wouldn't know sorrow if they tripped over it), but realizing that 'I' couldn't be healed until there was an 'I'. Even before I was ten, God became to me the ideal parent that would never betray me.
Now I accept myself because I am who I am.
I've heard that some researchers (probably social behaviorists, don't remember) estimate that the natural mind is driven insane by the age of two.

Thank you for caring and God bless you.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Scream

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