I need advice

I need someone to please give me advice on this if they are going thru the same thing. I have had herpes now for 4 years. When I was first diagnosed I was on suppressive therapy with Valtrex. That worked really good but after I lost my job and insurance it was hard to get those pills. I have been off of Valtrex now for about 3 years now. I have tried every herb and most of all the advice I see on curezone and other websites. (lysine, grape seed extract, oil of oregano, you name it I have tried it. I also have wasted a lot of money on trying out new products too. Sometimes I get so impatient and I quit what ever program I start if it does not work after a week. I have been smoking pot ever since I was diagnosed and before I found out I had it. I'm addicted to pot and I've tried to quit but every time I get depressed over this disease I start smoking again. Do you think because I smoke pot that is why I can't get this thing under control? I just recently decided to quit again because I'm so tired of being in pain every single day also I want to see if it will help me. I know I can beat this if I know this is the cause of my breakouts. I just bought BHT and I'm going to give that a try. I eat healthy and I stay away from trigger foods, but I have never quit pot completely and I'm wondering if that is the overall problem. Can anyone relate to my problem? I notice no one ever talks about pot on the board with their herpes. I know alcohol is really bad, but no one never talks about smoking pot. Can someone that has had this thing a long time please give me good advice? I'm willing to follow advice and any regimen that will help as long as it is not expensive. Right now I'm on the generic for Valtrex, the nurse at planned parenthood was so sorry for me she gave me a free prescription. I got that last thursday and I'm still having a break out. One time I was broken out for like 2 months. Man was I miserable, I started drinking and smoking heavily because I was so depressed. Sometimes the pain is so unbearable I want to shot myself down there. I currently signed up for insurance at work and I'm going to get Valtrex in a week. BHT will be coming in the mail any day too. I don't want to go on Valtrex but I'm so desperate now!!!! Somedays I'm positive and I feel good, but other days I'm so depressed I smoke out and I feel those guilty feelings all over again. Sometimes I wish I can go back and fix that mistake that I made when I got this dreadful disease. I wish I was smarter back then and more wise when it came to sex. I have had for a while now and I still can't get over it. When does the guilt go away. Everytime I break out I think of the past and wish I could change things. I know this is not as bad as other diseases and HIV but I wish they will find a cure for us!!!!! I'm so sad I'm crying as I type this post. It is hard to forget about the past when you are going thru a break out. The thing that kills me about this disease you can never figure it out at all!!!! When you think you got in under control it suprises you. This disease is fierce and always comes back. I wish I could be like the people that post stating they have had this supress for 2 years or more. God I will be happy if I can suppress it for just 2 months. PLEASE EMAIL ME WITH ANY GOOD ADVICE I WILL TRY MY HARDEST TO FOLLOW IT AND BE POSITIVE. Everyone that posts on this has been so helpful to me and I feel that I'm not alone. I want to thank everyone that has posted something on this website it really helps on those days I'm down like today. Again please email me and give me advice I need help.