Re: what have I done ?!

I am in the same position now that you were in. I wish I was in your position so me telling him would be all over with. I wasn't even going to worry about it because we used condoms before and I havent had an outbreak in years, but he is on this kick abou not using condoms and that he just got all these tests done and he is disease free. He asked me if I had anything and I didnt really answer I may have said no but I jsut started panicking and now I am stressing alot. I like this guy but I wasnt ready to take it to that level for a few reasons. mainly I am not sure how he will react. I dont feel it is anyones business but mine and the person I am having sex with and that is only if he wants to bring up not using condoms. I am afraid he will tell my best friend and their family and I will be their gossip topic for awhile or forever. I think I cry everynight I sit there and think about having it. and also because if the sterotypes that people have. I dont want him to be like that I got it from being a whore because I didnt I got it from my boyfriend telling me he was clean after we had been using condoms for almost a year and then telling me he used condoms with every girl he had been with. anyway basically I am stressing because I told him I didnt want to have sex with him for awhile because when we were having sex before it was jsut once and I went away for six months. then I jsut came back and we had sex without a condom because I drank and that is when I told him we cant have sex because I dont want our relationship to be centered around that and we should take a normal pace. well it happened again on new years ever, there has been about two weeks between and he hasnt had any symptoms but i am totally freaking out. I told my ex in italy and he was fine with it but it was really hard. I just think I would rather be alone forever and give up on kids ad jsut have occasional flings with protection than to tell someone and have them tell everyone and jsut totally reject me. Im not sure if there is any advice that would help becasue I already knwo that I need to tell him and that rejection is part of life in general anyway jsut can't take having people look at me like im a nasty whore or something. anyway i know this paragraph isn ot written in proper grammer, sorry about that. I think it is great to have someone to talk to about this because I cant even bear to tell my best friend. can someone tell me positive things that will give me the courage and strength to tell him. I really hate this!