Would like to get "back" into Judaism...

Hi. It's kinda a long story - I'll try to make it short.

I'm the daughter of a Holocaust survivor. My father's father was extremely assimilated, and in accordance to a sort of trend of intellectual Jews of the time, was an Atheist. His mother was an Orthodox before meeting his father, but then was ousted from the Orthodox community as a result of marrying his father.

I was raised as an Atheist. I was not taught about G-d, or religion. The closest I came to religion was in a Unitarian fellowship and youth group after my mom left my dad when I was a teenager. Unitarians have a way of examining a lot of different religions, so we did some study on Judaism. The only two religions I ever felt connected to were Judaism and Bahai Faith.

When I was in college, I got engaged to a Jewish guy whose father is a rabbi. I sort of started to become a part of the Jewish community (though I always felt I was treated a little as an outsider), and finally got into conversion classes. I said and thought that I was doing it for myself, not for my fiance, but when we broke up, I totally quit anything related to Judaism. I just felt so exposed when I didn't have him there with me.

Well, here I am, years later, feeling sort of lost. I still have the Mezuzah that a friend gave to me back when I was really interested in doing Shabbat, and eating Kosher and all that. (I eat Kosher by nature anyway. I can't stomach most non-Kosher foods.) But I feel I am hypocritical putting it up on my door, being that now my spiritual beliefs range so much closer to true Atheism (not just loss of faith, mind you) than they ever have before.

I still miss feeling (almost) a part of it, though.

Well, thanks for listening.

Gabza Tweet