Re: Everything that is wrong with my life comes down to loneliness.

I too have a compulsive disorder and made some bad desicions in my life as a result of it, but now i have taken that compulsion and channeled it into different areas of my life and have benefited greatly. I used to see it as a weakness but now i realise it is a great advantage, when i would do somethin compulsively i would put so much energy into it not knowing when to stop and taking it too far. But now i put that energy into doing something constructive like my business and my health. Before that energy was focused on cigarettes and drugs.

I am guessing here that you dont have a close relationship with your mother or that you cant open up to her and tell her how you are really feeling. Which may explain why you have tried blogs/live journals, you want to get your thoughts out, share your true feelings with someone but you also desire some feedback some acknowledgement which is why you prefer forums than a journal.

When you were growing up was your mom more concerned with attracting the opposite sex than spending time with you? Did you see your mom with different men throughout your life, they come and they go? Maybe your not that bothered about girl things because you dont want to turn into your mum.

I think you are comfortable being 'alone' but do want to meet and have friends, i just get the impression its something to do with your mom and her seeing other men, and when they leave its just like your dad leaving you again. So you have difficulty in seeing how any friendship will last.

i think you do crave love, relationship, marriage you just dont think it will happen to you or if it does it somehow wont last. Tweet