Re: blah, blah, blah

I am not proud of this incident, but I beat the crap out of Rush Limbaugh once. I saw him at a book signing, only incidentally, as I was there to purchase a book about Taoist spirituality. I walked past him to get to the religion section, and he asked me if I was looking for his latest book. I told him, "Mr. Limbaugh, I think you suck, and I would never accept one of your books even if you gave it to me." I should have been more polite, but I was in a bad mood (I really needed some Taoist truth).

So he says, "Oh! I see you are one of those LIBERAL, DUMB-O-CRAT fag-boys." I just looked at him for a second, totally stunned. And then, all of a sudden, with all the hate he inspired in me, I shoved my left index finger up his nose--ALL the way up to the big knuckle. It was the weirdest feeling ever, and I could hardly believe what I did! I performed this feat so spontaneously that he didn't have time even to back away, resist, or anything. From the look on his face, I thought he was going to barf, or shit in his pants, or something.

So there I am with my finger buried up his nose. What to do next? Still enraged, I swept the chair out from under him with my left leg, dropped on top of him, and proceeded to pound out his left eye socket with my right elbow, probably 7 or 8 times, with my finger still buried in his sinuses. At this point, he probably realized his mistake, so I ejected my finger, got off of him quickly, and ran away so as not to be prosecuted.

I never did get that book, but Rush may have to re-evaluate his stance on liberals.

~Al Franken