Re: passin' by, and glad of it

Hi Richard,

Thank you for this wisdom! The honesty and fellowship in the program really are remarkable. And they even reinforce each other. Once I can glimpse my true nature with clarity, it's natural to reach out person to person, instead of trying to look good enough to other people or hide from them. Then in fellowship with supportive people in recovery, it's easier to see myself in a clear calm way. (Years ago, members of an AA/Al-Anon meeting lovingly intervened when I announced to them that I was determined to take Step 4, my "searching and frantic moral inventory.")

For me, the heart of that defective thinking is "Oh, I don't measure up, so what is the use in trying." Sure, there were valid reasons for grieving, but now it's time to take stock. Sure, I was in a bleak space, and the world didn't necessarily show up with fruit baskets; but even those loved ones and friends who look happy and fortunate and successful have been frightened and hurt by my problems. Over the years they worried about me and had no idea how to help; and I sure didn't attend their birthday parties or their children's graduations or their Christmas dinners, let alone see that they had fears and doubts and problems too.

For months I've been depressed and even bitter about a family member who was very close to me, but she's been too successful and busy to talk or get together. Finally I made amends by picking up a phone and just asking how she is. We had a great talk and worked out our stuff.

For months I've been too depressed to get out of bed on time, and can spend hours cocooned up fretting about my life. The last few days, after asking for plenty of help the night before (and it takes a lot of Higher Power to manage this) when the alarm rings I jump out of bed and go jogging. It's incredible what a gift this is, and what a difference this makes.

It is essential to remind myself "There is always some small task worth doing right now, and some person who is worth reaching out to."

I don't want to interrupt your forum, but will be reading the notes from day to day while re-reading the Big Book. Right now they are a real treasure.

Blessings and appreciation,
A
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