Re: Still with ya on day 12.5

I woke up from a nap craving chips and fries like a maniac last Wednesday. I ran to the kitchen immediately and made lemonade. It only lasted a couple of minutes and then it was gone. Emotionally, it's been a real tumbler for me, though. I'm allowing God consciousness to guide me, but it doesn't mean I'm looking especially Zen these days. LOl. For me it's seemed like those off and on cravings that I was reacting to were just pain avoidance. Even the cravings were themselves a thin veneer over the suppressed emotions and disappointments I have. I'm prone to an explosive temper. I freak out.(I'm not violent or abusive) Now I'm a bit more raw. If I'm going for it, though, I'm going for it. The progress I've made this far is instead of matching fear with food cravings, I'm sitting with myself all p---ed off, just allowing the emotions to come up and identifying them. It's a little foggy for me yet because I feel cramped emotionally. I look around at other people, though, and think they don't look as angry as me. My eating started as a rebellion. I love cookie dough and cake batter especially because my mother would get upset when I would sneak some. I love decadent dessert because it's too much chocolate. I feel entitled because I'm an adult and I can eat an entire pint of moose tracks with chocolate fudge if I want. I feel angry because other people can eat fatty high calorie foods and be skinny. I'm 35 trying to find make my place in the world and I've allowed myself to be ruled by the 6 year old trying to find her place in the world. That's been my journey so far as I'm going into day 18. I deeply appreciate your post.