Still with ya on day 12.5

I have a massage scheduled for tomorrow.

I feel a little guilty for resting on the weekends. I'm doing next to nothing on the weekends during this fast. Socializing just isn't an option because most of my social engagements revolve around food--no really they all do. My friends, they eat and they eat whatever they want. My mind is busy telling me that "they look healthy and happy" so why not forget this nonsense now?

Be careful, what follows may be triggering....






Dwelling on it--the F word--is only amplifying my perception that I'm deprived when really I'm not and hey...it's time to stop the poor me stuff I mean, I'm doing this to help myself and it's good for me and it's making me feel very good. Who is this mentally deranged voice inside complaining about it all and trying to get me to cave in? Grandma is that you? LOL. Suddenly every meatloaf I ever ate and every chicken dumpling looms large, I can smell the side of beef cooking all day long and the sauerkraut and pork...all those mashed potato and gravy lovefests, LOL. And that was YEARS and YEARS ago--I haven't eaten that stuff in years, do we have body memories of food?..oh, forgot the homemade mac and cheese with the breadcrumbs on top, the freshly baking rolls and that cucumber salad in the cream sauce...ENOUGH! This is delerium! I'm in the desert and my oasis is a pool of gravy! this is not about hunger, I haven't been hungry for over a week!

What's next anyways? Am I really going to run for a cheese fondue when this is all over? No, when this is over I'm going to start on a new path and its time to start planning that...maybe raw food altogether. With a little organic dark chocolate thrown in I think I might make it.

Tomorrow will come and this will pass and I'll be glad about it. I'm in the Kubler-Ross "anger" stage of my fast I guess.