Well

Where to begin? I am sorry that you're having issues, truly. But, there is entirely too much sensitive information in this post and, if you have these issues, then it would be a very, very wise option to take them to a licensed, professional counselor that specializes in child sexual abuse, trauma, PTSD, and addiction.

You cannot (and, WILL not) find "healing" or "closure" in an online public forum. This platform is to seek some guidance and suggestions, but it is not the appropriate venue to explore these delicate issues. This is very sensitive material that needs the attention of a professional.

Brightest blessings to you on your journey