Re: My ex is saying I raped her

Exia, that's why counseling therapy might be a good option - to help you process your feelings, properly and safely.  And, to begin to rebuild your system of beliefs, perceptions, and ability to respond rather than react.

"Love" is a very broad sentiment that requires maturity and a strong, healthy sense of Self, and it is quite likely that you still "love" what this woman should have been, rather than what she truly is.  I had no idea what "love" really was for over 50 years, and I had the same issue with the first abusive spouse - I "loved" what I thought he should have been and ignored what he actually was, and I chose this man because I was raised in a dysfunctional family environment and developed a whole host of messed up thinking.  My messed up thinking spanned all relationships, not just romantic ones, and I didn't realize that Life could be different from the drama/trauma that I seemed to constantly experience.  Don't wait until half your life is passed before you seek to sort yourself out.  It's a challenge to walk away and learn something from such bad situations, but you sound as if you really want to take away some kind of wisdom from this.  So, brightest blessings to you and you CAN do this.