Yes, it sounds like you are truly depressed. I agree with the other poster that you should seek help immediately. Have you done more than 2 days on the MC? I'm on day 1 today and hope to get to 21 days (I did it before, and you're right - the clarity is amazing). We put so much junk into our bodies, and a lot of that is attributed to depression. There are many forums on this board -- you should check out the board regarding mercury (and I'm glad it was removed from you) but I'm shocked by the stroke. I wish I could understand that.
Please try to remember - suicide is NOT an option. Your children need you and life can be as beautiful as you want it to be.