Re: Do I deserve to live?

Your question is whether you deserve to live or die.  The options are yours to choose.  However, I don't think that suicide is reasonable.  But, that's a personal opinion, and you're going to have to make whatever decision you do based upon your own beliefs.

If you choose to live out your life, it might be an excellent option to consider and engage in intensive counseling therapy with a SPECIALIST who deals with PTSD, sex addiction, and adult survivors of childhood abuse.  There are some issues that are going to cause problems unless (and, until) they're processed and put in their proper places. 

Everyone has done something (or, many things) that they are not proud of having done.  Everyone, bar none.  You are worthwhile and certainly deserving of living a calm, balanced, and positive life.

Best wishes to you