Your problems are serious, but not hopeless! I suggest you bring your set of severe problems to God who has gotten me out of every hopeless mess I've ever been in. The best thing you could do now is get right with Him as a priority and focus on recovery. Google 'sermon audio', visit the Christian healing forum on this website and ask people to pray for you, keep researching, pray, read your Bible ( if you have one) and stay busy doing anything and everything you can do to help yourself and you won't have time for suicidal thoughts.