You are obviously very spiritual and thats not necessarily a bad thing but it seems that you aren't grounded at the moment.
You can't expect to "win the battle" if you don't find a stable foundation to stand on. I can understand the feelings of despair and Depression that can come with feeling unclean and putting so much energy into just maintaining a healthy life while impaired. I just believe you need to put your self in a better position so you won't feel so handicapped when trying to get better.
.. like the other member mentioned, it may be smart to use other outlets instead of just curezone alone to find a resolution to your problems.