October: Domestic Violence Awareness Month

October has been designated "Domestic Violence Awareness Month." It behooves every human being to understand what Domestic Violence and Abuse is, what it isn't, and how to take steps to break the cycle.

Domestic violence has several subcategories:
* intimate partner abuse
* family violence and/or abuse
* spousal rape
* battering
* dating abuse

DV&A is typically a pattern of behaviors that results in the abuser controlling the victim. Some abusive behaviors are:
* name-calling or putdowns
* preventing a partner from contacting their family or friends
* withholding money
* preventing or interfering with a partner getting or keeping a job
* threats of, or actual physical violence
* sexua| assault
* threatening or actual harm harm against children
* threatening or actual harm against pets
* damaging or destroying personal property
* preventing the victim from leaving
* emotional abuse
* "gaslighting" or crazy-making behavior
* stalking
* intimidation

Domestic violence and abuse doesn't "just happen." It is an insidious dynamic that typically happens over a period of time. "Don't be so stupid," during dating eventually becomes, "You're so useless," after a period of time. What begins with, "Tell me when you use our joint checking account," and ends with, "You are not authorized to use this account." What begins as "horseplay" or "roughhousing" eventually becomes a black eye, broken arm, or severe beating.

ANYONE can be made a victim of Domestic Violence and/or abuse. DV&A is not reserved for poor, uneducated females. DV&A crosses all boundaries of gender, religion, culture, socio-economic status, and vocations.

It is estimated that 90% of all DV&A is witnessed by children. This means that 3.3 million children in the United States, alone, witness domestic violence and/or abuse. https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/domestic_violence/impact.cfm


Most long-term victims of DV&A develop "Stockholm
Syndrome," which has been recognized for almost 100 years, and given its name as the result of a 1973 hostage event. http://outofthefog.net/CommonNonBehaviors/StockholmSyndrome.html


Teenagers experience DV&A at a reported rate of 33% of all teenagers involved in relationships. http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/tc/domestic-violence-teen-relationship-abuse
Teen date rape accounts for 70% of all abuse reported by female teens. 40% of teens know someone in their age group who has been abused, or is currently being abused.

Statistics for female-on-male DV&A are sketchy and rarely reported, but the best number is 40% of all men experience DV&A, at some point. Most men do not identify their abusers.

It is estimated that an average of 3 women are murdered, each day, by their domestic or intimate partners in the U.S., alone.

One out of every 4 women have experienced DV&A.

Getting OUT of an abusive relationship is no easy task, especially if there are children involved and/or a legal, binding contract of marriage. Take this fact to the bank: IT WILL NEVER GET BETTER. Not ever. If you are involved in an abusive relationship, it is not going to end well for you, or your children. No amount of money, no real estate, no vehicle, no tangible property is worth remaining in ANY abusive relationship. DV&A results in complete destruction - financially, emotionally, physically, sexually, and spiritually. The only way to make it end is to get out.

Here are some links for more information and safety measures that can be taken. Nobody can "save" a victim of DV&A - only the victim can make the choice to become a Survivor by getting out, safely.

http://www.domesticviolence.org

http://www.thehotline.org

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/domestic-violence/WO00044

http://dvrc-or.org/domestic/violence/resources/C61/


There are resources available and you are not alone. No matter what your abuser has told you, you are precious in this Universe. You are worthy and deserving of everything GOOD in this lifetime. GET OUT. Contact your local DV&A hotline, or check one of the links, above, and ask for help. If there are children involved, they are watching and learning that what they are witnessing is "normal," and they will either develop into a "Perfect Victim," or a more creative abuser.




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