Re: Wife will not leave after being caught in Motel room with old boyfriend.

Odinseye, I'm sorry that you've had these experiences and had your trust destroyed. I don't see any mention of children as a result of this unfortunate mess.

I attacked my ex-spouse after learning the truth about extremely disturbing activities that he had been engaging in, for years, without my knowledge, and I can tell you that being arrested for domestic violence and facing charges of assault is no picnic.

Having typed that, I would strongly urge you to consider counseling for yourself - that is for you, alone. Giving someone a concussion is nothing to crow about, especially when it is your spouse who is violating your trust, and not the other man. Absolutely, "anger" is a normal response to betrayal, but threats and acts of physical violence don't solve anything - it can result in heavy fines and jail-time. Drop the knuckle-walking, chest-beating posture, because it's not going to do you any good. No criminal Judge is going to give a fart in a windstorm if you caught your wife with three men and a video camera - NOTHING "allows" for physical violence and she could slap you with a restraining order quicker than you can imagine possible.

So, here's the crux of the matter: getting out, and getting yourself sorted out. The first step of accomplishing this is to go "No Contact." That means no phone calls, no in-person conversations, no emails, no text messages, no third-party communications via friends, family, etc., WALK AWAY. Walk away and straight into the office of a professional counseling therapist.

Going NC ("no contact") gives a buffer to the drama/trauma that results from betrayals. The counseling is going to be important if you intend to divorce because your attorney is NOT your counselor - it will cost you a minimum of $60 to make a phone call to your attorney about what the soon-to-be-ex is doing and how hurt you are about it. If she won't move out or stay away, then YOU move out - you'll battle over property in the divorce so let your attorney do his/her job.

I truly am sorry that you've been betrayed. Sadly, this seems to happen all of the time and infidelity is just one of the nasty facets of betrayal that appears to be encouraged in today's society and culture. But, I am sorrier that you're so angry that it's become rage - rage kills, Odinseye. Anger is "normal." Rage is a completely different animal, and something that you need to wrestle down before you do something that you cannot UNdo.

Best wishes to you