Yuong enough to be damaged, to old to get help

I need some help, to anyone on the internet that can lend me some time and thoughts.


My mom has dated a guy for 15 years. Since I was young.... and yes, it's an abusive relationship. recently, in the past three years, everything has fallen apart. They are braking up, but seeing each other (and pretending not too) My mom comes home destroyed emotionally, cleaning like a crazy woman and yet neglecting all her children who are still at home with her. (she will refuse to speak or give and receive affection, leave dinners up to our own devices... everything. She's just practically comatose as she cleans.)

And so I'm starting to go crazy. My moods are all over, as as the middle child (my older brother having special needs, and my younger sister to young to deal.) I'm having to keep this household together. I'm falling apart, I failed classes I never should have....

And honestly, I just can't do it anymore. my mother is my favorite person in the whole world, but I can't keep begging her to see that when she allows him in her life everyone is hurt. i can't protect her if she wants to see her.

So, right now, I just want to protect myself. I can't do this anymore. I can't be close to someone who is suppose to keep me safe but allows an abusive man in to our lives and doesn't stand up for me when she needs to... And when she does ( like "fine, I can't see him if your crying about it" ) she makes me feel guilty, because she's so happy whens he goes to see him. I'm wrecking that happiness.

I want out. I hate that I do just want to abandon her, but he knows I'm advocating against him and is more aggressive towards me because of it. I'm scared, honestly. I'm scared of what he will to do ehr, but I can't change that so all I can do is be scared of what he will do to me.



And this is where ti all falls apart. I just turned nineteen. In now way am I an adult... Partly because I don't even think I'm constantly in anxiety to the point where fight or flight aren't the options... freeze up, wait to die and hate yourself are though.

If I was eighteen, I'd be a youth. I could get help, financial support to leave home (because there's no way I have the money.) and emotional support that is desperately needed.



So what can i do? As a supposed "adult" who needs to be treated like a child... just this once? because I'm starting to hate that I'm even alive, as the only person here who is standing up against him... and I'm getting hell to pay for it. Tweet