Yuong enough to be damaged, to old t... 
OldEnoughtocare
11 y
3,166
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I need some help, to anyone on the internet that can lend me some time and thoughts.
My mom has dated a guy for 15 years. Since I was young.... and yes, it's an abusive relationship. recently, in the past three years, everything has fallen apart. They are braking up, but seeing each other (and pretending not too) My mom comes home destroyed emotionally, cleaning like a crazy woman and yet neglecting all her children who are still at home with her. (she will refuse to speak or give and receive affection, leave dinners up to our own devices... everything. She's just practically comatose as she cleans.)
And so I'm starting to go crazy. My moods are all over, as as the middle child (my older brother having special needs, and my younger sister to young to deal.) I'm having to keep this household together. I'm falling apart, I failed classes I never should have....
And honestly, I just can't do it anymore. my mother is my favorite person in the whole world, but I can't keep begging her to see that when she allows him in her life everyone is hurt. i can't protect her if she wants to see her.
So, right now, I just want to protect myself. I can't do this anymore. I can't be close to someone who is suppose to keep me safe but allows an abusive man in to our lives and doesn't stand up for me when she needs to... And when she does ( like "fine, I can't see him if your crying about it" ) she makes me feel guilty, because she's so happy whens he goes to see him. I'm wrecking that happiness.
I want out. I hate that I do just want to abandon her, but he knows I'm advocating against him and is more aggressive towards me because of it. I'm scared, honestly. I'm scared of what he will to do ehr, but I can't change that so all I can do is be scared of what he will do to me.
And this is where ti all falls apart. I just turned nineteen. In now way am I an adult... Partly because I don't even think I'm constantly in anxiety to the point where fight or flight aren't the options... freeze up, wait to die and hate yourself are though.
If I was eighteen, I'd be a youth. I could get help, financial support to leave home (because there's no way I have the money.) and emotional support that is desperately needed.
So what can i do? As a supposed "adult" who needs to be treated like a child... just this once? because I'm starting to hate that I'm even alive, as the only person here who is standing up against him... and I'm getting hell to pay for it.
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- Re: Yuong enough to be damaged, to o... earthshine
11 y
2,722
This is a reply to # 2,066,906hi,
my heart goes out to you. I am sorry to hear you are going through so much, but have faith that this will pass and you are strong, and will find your way to a better environment for you. sometimes we go through difficult times in life to make us stronger in some way, and to allow us to grow in some way.
i am going to put a few thoughts out there, and hope that it triggers additional ideas of avenues you can look into for yourself.
are there any community support services through your city or state that you can find housing etc for low income individuals? do you have any family/friends in the area that you can connect with for interim support?
is your sister young enough to receive financial support?
are you currently working or in school? I wonder if finding a job, and just being occupied and earning funds to work towards a better living space for yourself will be helpful. to not be in the environment as much.
I can completely relate to living in an unhealthy environment. I do hope you are able to come up with a plan to help yourself get out of this space. as you are going through this, I hope you will take time to make sure you take care of you -- eating well, sleeping well, exercise, etc.
wishing you all the best.
please stay in touch and let us know how you're doing.
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- Options #68716
11 y
2,849
This is a reply to # 2,066,906I'm very sorry to read of your experiences and of the situation that you're in. Reaching out is a clear indication that you have every intention of "Doing Something" to emerge from this. There are options available.
Sadly, the legal "age of consent" is 18 and we can't alter that legal fact. Having typed that doesn't mean that you're in a hopeless situation. It's just going to take some seriously courageous steps on your part - and, only you can take these steps for yourself.
The first thing that I would do would be to contact my local domestic violence hotline, or http://www.thehotline.org,
and speak to an intake person about my situation, abuse, and the abuse of my siblings. By contacting this agency, I would be put in touch with a network of support and assistance, as well as my siblings.
The second thing that I would do would be to engage in some strong counseling therapy THROUGH the domestic violence hotline resources - just because I would be 19 does not mean that I'm "too old" for help, on any level. If I were enrolled in college, I would still be considered my mother's "dependant" and she would be responsible for seeing to my well-being.
The third thing that I would do would be to reach out to all of my family members and ask for help for myself, and my siblings. I would try to keep in mind that I am NOT responsible for the care and well being of anyone other than myself, including my younger sibling and older "special needs" sibling.
Having typed all of that, I would encourage you to contact your local domestic violence hotline, ASAP. I would also strongly encourage you to (as much as I hate to suggest this) contact Social Services, ASAP.
Where is your father in all of this - I didn't see a mention of his involvement in your life. Is he paying child support for your other siblings? If so, he has a right to know what sort of environment you're all living in and, if he is at all conscientious as a parent, he will file for custody of the other siblings and do whatever he can to assist you.
In any event, you DO have options. Taking the first step is the hardest one of all, but you don't read like you're prepared to give up, just yet. You're young enough to recover from your childhood experiences and develop into a successful and productive adult. You have the ability to do this. It's just a matter of taking the first step.
http://www.thehotline.org
My very best wishes to you.
- Re: Yuong enough to be damaged, to o... earthshine
11 y
2,722
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