Report on Day One: Preparation for Fasting, Low Calorie Intake

I have kept it down to 694 calories today, Friday , may 17th... goal being to do 500 a day for a week, then 1200-1500 daily for a week, then 500 for a week, alternating, and cleaning up my diet on a permanent basis during all this so that eventually, I will be committed permanently to a diet which is non-addictive and thus makes giving up food (fasting) much more possible for me, if not exactly easy.

I think this is a good plan for me, the alternating of weeks of low calorie and "normal" intake. My body desperately needs to fast and since my being stuck in food addiction prevents this temporarily, the low cal diet is a good second-best action. I WILL achieve fasting -- perhaps sooner the more patient and realistic I am with myself.

I plan to keep on posting here and I hope attract friends to take this journey successfully with.

I am already committed permanently to raw food only. I have 11 days successfully adhering to that and I will keep this commitment for life.

To be honest, today is not quite a success. i am basically headed out now to ingest about 496 more calories. It will be all raw and bring my day's total to 1190 calories, but I really wanted to succeed at the 500 cal or less plan since that will make me feel SO much better physically and in every way. It helps my health SO much every time I get my calories down for a sustained period. Even better would be to fast, but I will learn that... and then really heal, through the fasting. I feel awkward and vulnerable posting this truth here about my being unable not to violate the 500 calorie plan today. I feel confused. I am scared. When am I going to start really doing this? I have been very very ill today. To get better I desperately need to fast, or at least eat seriously lightly. I was all set to DO IT -- to begin. Now I will have a day that is , not horrible, since I am staying all raw, and under 1200 calories; but not really a therapeutic day, either.

I really need to FIGURE OUT HOW to keep my calories down to, actually, 500 a day, and truly get started doing this.

It really seems like the problem is that my diet is just not quite clean enough to enable me to actually keep the calories down. The foods I am eating are raw, but they are addictive foods. You want more and more of them. They do not trigger the kind of bingeing triggered by processed foods, but neither to they allow me really to keep my daily calories down to a level that is healing and respectful of my body's weakened state. Oh help, God help me. I eat these foods and I should not be eating at all, in fact,a nd I am in terrible physical pain. God help me. I compulsively eat this sh*t and I just hurt so much all the time. It is frightening. If I were committed to staying away from these worst foods (raw all of them but they are as I say still binge foods to some extent) -- I could really control my calories a lot more easily. I feel as though I have never been more ill in my life. I am scared and alone. I need to make these dietary changes, permanently; I am so ill; it has become really urgent; but I am so terrified of rushing myself and losing my commitment and having to persuade myself into sobriety all over again. i cannot rush into giving up these raw binge foods. I am about to go get them now. They are too expensive for me, too. They are altogether a destructive experience. I feel the only way I can stay on raw foods is to allow ALL raw foods now though, for the moment, until I am really solidly committed, I cannot try to clean up my raw diet until I have a real and true commitment and am truly resigned to raw only for life. I have to get accustomed to making whatever adjustments/sacrifices I am making to stay on all raw foods... I have to become willing to introduce slightly more strict rules for eating... to give up some of these raw binge foods... I have to go slowly but I must do it... When I do, then I can go about cleaning up my raw diet and really starting to heal a lot more.


The raw binge food I am about to go get is: the raw coconut sorbets. The WORST of it all is: I am thinking not that I have got to get 3 of them not just 2, which is 744 calories not just 496 and brings my day total to 1438 calories and which is a financial blow as well.

I am just telling myself that it is good I am not going over 1500 calories and it is good I am staying all raw. I have a certain amount of sobriety that I am solid in, I just have to press on to make further progress, get more sober, and get closer to fasting.

It is absolutely terrifying how ill I am, though. I need urgently to fast, to clean up my diet; and this food addiction simply ... I don't know what I am trying to say, it is so sad, I have to go before the damn store closes, I need to write, I should be committed to writing this out and reaching a conclusion but I can't; if only I could find love someplace other than food.


I haven't eaten YET... but God help me since I just don't see an alternative way of addressing my emotional needs -- other than with this violence, this eating. Tweet