Re: boyfriend with severe dental problems

Blue Rose is spot-on. There are various reasons that a person's dental health falls into a state of extreme neglect. Fear of dentists is a big one: sitting in a dentist's chair leaves a patient feeling very vulnerable. There is also the extreme financial burden, as Blue Rose mentioned - I have the same issue.

Having typed that, you posted a very important sentence that would give me pause for thought, "He seems also to show signs of neglect -not just the damage." He is neglectful of himself? Is this man suffering Depression or some other condition? Knowing my own core-issues and my experiences and subsequent recovery, I would have to ask myself if I'm trying to "save" someone or "rescue" them. Is this fellow financially sound and maintaining his own living quarters? Does he have a solid position of employment? Are his financial obligations met, each month, or is he in financial trouble? Is he retired and living on his pension? Is he living on his own, or with other people?

It's not "shallow" to be concerned about someone's health and well-being, and dental health is a primary facet of overall good health and self-esteem. But, it is also vital that you understand that you are not responsible for this man's health and well-being. Expressing your concerns is above-board communication. If you pretend that everything is just fine, then you're lying to him AND (most importantly) yourself.

If it were me, I would say what I observe and feel, straight up without any emotional impact. These are the facts, and this is how I perceive your self-neglect.

Good luck to you. Tweet