I'm assuming that by your usage of "whilst" that you are not in the US? The reason I ask is that different countries have different policies when treating war vets. For example, here in the US if it is a war-related injury, then what ever care a vet needs gets fully covered. That said, I don't know how other countries handle it.

Do you have any idea as to why he hasn't fully correct his problem? Is it because the government won't cover his dental care? Or does he dislike going to dentists?

From what you wrote about him having had bridges in the past, I'm guessing that if he doesn't have them now, they weren't a good fit for him and he gave up on them. Perhaps, he thinks that he will never find a good fit.

You say he cannot smile, laugh or kiss? Is that injury related or is it because he is self-conscious? If it is the latter, perhaps you can reassure him that you don't care how he looks when he smiles, laughs or kisses.

I was born with an inherited condition that caused me to have very bad teeth. For a long time, the inside of my mouth was in terrible condition. For me, it was for 2 reasons --- 1) I just didn't have the funds at the time to properly take care of it and didn't have decent dental insurance; and 2) When I had insurance and sought out a dentist, far too many looked into my mouth and saw dollar signs. I knew my condition well enough to know that what they wanted to do would never work for me.

So, after you reassure him that you don't care how he looks when he smiles, laughs or kisses, bring up the prospect of getting good work done. Find out if the government will cover his expenses. If not, then offer to help him look for ways to help with his dental treatments. Let him know that once his teeth and mouth are properly fixed, he will be a lot happier, more comfortable and all without pain.

Best wishes to you both.

Blue Rose is spot-on. There are various reasons that a person's dental health falls into a state of extreme neglect. Fear of dentists is a big one: sitting in a dentist's chair leaves a patient feeling very vulnerable. There is also the extreme financial burden, as Blue Rose mentioned - I have the same issue.

Having typed that, you posted a very important sentence that would give me pause for thought, "He seems also to show signs of neglect -not just the damage." He is neglectful of himself? Is this man suffering Depression or some other condition? Knowing my own core-issues and my experiences and subsequent recovery, I would have to ask myself if I'm trying to "save" someone or "rescue" them. Is this fellow financially sound and maintaining his own living quarters? Does he have a solid position of employment? Are his financial obligations met, each month, or is he in financial trouble? Is he retired and living on his pension? Is he living on his own, or with other people?

It's not "shallow" to be concerned about someone's health and well-being, and dental health is a primary facet of overall good health and self-esteem. But, it is also vital that you understand that you are not responsible for this man's health and well-being. Expressing your concerns is above-board communication. If you pretend that everything is just fine, then you're lying to him AND (most importantly) yourself.

If it were me, I would say what I observe and feel, straight up without any emotional impact. These are the facts, and this is how I perceive your self-neglect.

Good luck to you.

You are a very, very smart woman...have to say that straight up. And also, I've never heard this sensitive subject talked about on any board so I believe others would be interested. You are 100% correct by describing this as a dealbreaker. I, too, am big on dental hygiene and it's one of my biggies when I meet a woman. He will always have this problem...trust me on this...this is who he is, he's comfortable with bad teeth, and no amount of coaxing him will help. I would end the relationship as soon as you can, cry your tears, be sad...but be better coming out of it.

Bad dental health now will only get worse with age and further neglect which is sure to come. You will be a constant source of ridicule and gossip, which we all agree shouldn't happen...but it does and you know it. REd flags are there for a reason...act upon them. You cannot change adult behavior. Many a woman has tried and failed, only to waste away her best years on a hope and dream that he will change, oh I CAN MAKE HIM SEE THE LIGHT. Odds are, you cannot. Run for the hills. Good teeth are important and I would not settle for less than what I want in this life. You'll thank me years from now for giving it to you straight and honest.