SoulfulSurvivor, I felt a deep deep sadness when I first read your story. I wanted to respond but didn't feel like I had adequate words. But I have prayed for you many times. I can't imagine the pain you've been through.
I think Jesus alone can heal this most horrible betrayal you have been through. He alone can show you the love that will heal the pain.
Matthew 11:28
Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.