Re: Emotionally Controlling Relationships

2kidsandadog, I'm sorry that you're in the situation that you're in, and I completely identify with "abandonment" issues.

The toxic person that you're currently involved with sparks the "mother/savior" so that you are made to feel that ONLY you can "save" or "help" this individual.  And, he has glommed onto this vulnerability with an iron grip.  Our core-issues are probably the driving force from which all decisions are made, and I am no exception.  Because of my personal issues, I made some very, very ruinous choices, and it is my fervent hope that my experiences might benefit others so that they don't make the same errors that I did and suffer the consequences.

I strongly recommend the book, "Healing The Shame That Binds You."  It is a profound discussion of the wounded "inner child" and it was a personal epiphany that allowed me to begin some hard work on myself.  I would also suggest that you consider strong counseling therapy with someone that gets it.  You can get a list of these professionals by contacting your local domestic violence hotline or by visiting www.ndvh.org.  Just because there is no physical violence does not mean that abuse is absent!

Then, I suggest that you visit the following website that was developed by a survivor of a sociopath that was desinged to educate, inform, and promote recovery from toxic relationships:  www.lovefraud.com.

Many of your experiences have rather groomed you and these experiences do not - DO NOT - have to be what defines you, your life, your beliefs, or your views of yourself.  You can alter these things and still carry the experiences without having the experiences carry YOU.

My most sincere best wishes to you