Emotionally Controlling Relationship... 
2kidsandadog
12 y
2,625
I currently live with a Narcissistic/Passive Aggressive man. We have been living together for about 2 years. We were friends in high school and became "involved" after 30 years of separate lives, marriages, etc...
He's very sick as he has many health issues. Yes,I know I should not have gotten involved with him, but I did and I fell in love with him.
Because of my family of origin, I have recently tapped into the fact that I have landed into a controlling relationship, and I am not quite sure how to deal with it or get out.
My mother died of Breast Cancer when I was six and my father was an alcoholic and perished from it when I was 10. I am 48 now and I totally get why certain things feel the way they do, but I just had this ephiphany about a week ago when the feeling over came me one day sitting at home.
I'm scared to death of being alone as I have major abandonment issues.
I guess I'm just looking for support from anyone currently living in an emotionally controlling relationship. He's not physically abusive or verbally abusive (being PA and all) but I could use some non judgemental words from people.
More
- Re: Emotionally Controlling Relation... #68716
12 y
2,094
This is a reply to # 2,016,908
2kidsandadog, I'm sorry that you're in the situation that you're in, and I completely identify with "abandonment" issues.
The toxic person that you're currently involved with sparks the "mother/savior" so that you are made to feel that ONLY you can "save" or "help" this individual. And, he has glommed onto this vulnerability with an iron grip. Our core-issues are probably the driving force from which all decisions are made, and I am no exception. Because of my personal issues, I made some very, very ruinous choices, and it is my fervent hope that my experiences might benefit others so that they don't make the same errors that I did and suffer the consequences.
I strongly recommend the book, "Healing The Shame That Binds You." It is a profound discussion of the wounded "inner child" and it was a personal epiphany that allowed me to begin some hard work on myself. I would also suggest that you consider strong counseling therapy with someone that gets it. You can get a list of these professionals by contacting your local domestic violence hotline or by visiting www.ndvh.org. Just because there is no physical violence does not mean that abuse is absent!
Then, I suggest that you visit the following website that was developed by a survivor of a sociopath that was desinged to educate, inform, and promote recovery from toxic relationships: www.lovefraud.com.
Many of your experiences have rather groomed you and these experiences do not - DO NOT - have to be what defines you, your life, your beliefs, or your views of yourself. You can alter these things and still carry the experiences without having the experiences carry YOU.
My most sincere best wishes to you
More
- Re: Emotionally Controlling Relation... 2kidsandadog
12 y
1,994
This is a reply to # 2,016,941Beautifully said! You have given me references that in ALL of my years of counseling have never heard. I am at a major cross-road with this relationship. He knows it, but doesn't say anything. He feels it and that's what is so difficult to be around.
Anyway, thanks for the wonderful feedback!
- The equipment... #68716
12 y
2,080
This is a reply to # 2,016,946
2kidsandadog, I'm glad that you found my response helpful. You "sound" prepared to make changes for yourself to address your issues and I have to applaud this - absolutely, GOOD FOR YOU!!!!
The problem with most counseling therapists that have gone through the education processes is that they do not have their own experiences to refer to, and they are not equipped to help a victim of domestic violence/abuse, family abuse, Stockholm Syndrome, PSTD, or sociopathic entanglements. They just aren't. They know the proper diagnoses and terminology, but they do not have the practical answers to really assist someone who really suffering from EMOTIONAL issues - organic issues? Oh, yeah.....we'll talk a bit and see a psychiatrist for some mind-numbing anti-depressants, but digging deep and getting down and dirty in therapy is more than most counselors want to explore. This is part of the whole problem.
SO, that's why I posted the link to LoveFraud as well as the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The counselors that are on the ndvh lists are familiar and trained specialists that help individuals with very specific core-issues.
The LoveFraud website has over 3000 visitors, every day. Some are well into their own recovery, others (like me) are taking their first difficult steps onto their Healing Paths, and still others are in a frenzy of madness and they are desperate to extract themselves. LoveFraud is a community of honest (and, sometimes painful), truthful, and knowledgeable healing and recovery.
My most sincere best wishes to you on your journey. Brightest blessings to you
- The equipment... #68716
12 y
2,080
- Re: Emotionally Controlling Relation... 2kidsandadog
12 y
1,994
- Re: Emotionally Controlling Relation... #68716
12 y
2,094
