Nicky you need professional help. We all here dislike doctors but there are certain points in which it becomes apparent a sick person, even if intelligent and with resources, cannot take care of himself at the same time than deciding the way to treat himself. I have learned to be humble and see how I have been taking the wrong decisions for too long thanks to my cerebral inflammation and etc What you are experiencing sounds awful and you need to contact someone experienced preferibly in person to deal with that.