Fustrated and extremely tired

I'm just so tired of this. I tried the Hibiclens and it does help a little, especially if I'm in a well air conditioned environment or at home. However, it's not doing as much as I would like it to do, as I still get some reactions. Today I went to lunch I could see the server was bothered by my odor. I wanted to just disappear into vapor, but I have no super powers, so I just have to sit there and suffer.

I'm really tired of living like this. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted. I feel like giving up. I'm going on a diet very soon, but I know that it won't help because when I was slim I was eating healthier and exercising everyday and the smell was even worse until I went to the doctor and got some Antibiotics , which helped. Aside from that....nothing much has helped.

I think it's just something that the doctors are not seeing...I don't know. Recently, I just came down with very bad allergies as well, and my blood test didn't show me anything, except that I have very high allergies. So now I'm itchy and smelly...just great......my rotten luck.


I wish everybody else luck with this because it's such a debilitating sickness to have. Sometimes I think what my future will be like and I can only imagine isolation, anger, and pain. I don't want to be a pessimist and I can't look at the glass half-full because more and more it's looking half empty.

Gosh I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I feel like the most worthless person alive. I'm far from that....I'm fighting, but maybe I should just throw my hands up in the air and surrender because I'm losing.